Good day, NSMen. This is Corporal Chan Zhi Hao reporting live from the Goody Feed unit, and I’ve got good news for you.

…

Hold on a sec, it seems that we are facing some technological difficulties-

“Oh hello there Corporal Chan! Have you started talking about One Innovation, the new app that’s supposed to make NSMen’s lives easier?”

Who the fk are you? What are you doing in our secret Goody Feed-exclusive communication channel?

“Ever the joker, I see. Hahaha, ignore him, my friendly folks with the pudgy tummies. He’s still young, and he’s gonna owe me 1,000 push ups for that. Anyway, this is Brigadier General See Bei Shuai, and I will be taking you through the finer pastures of the new app we know as the Innovation App.”

…

Oh shit.

“KNOCK IT DOWN YOU FKFACE. DOWN DOWN DOWN- oh wait the channel’s still open. Just disregard that my friendly folks, and let’s move onto the first point! Hahahaha… DOWN, DOWN-”

Okay, enough of the introduction. It’s just to make things more exciting, because we all know how boring ICT is. Now to the real beef: why the heck is there an app?

1. One Innovation

Look, ICT folks, I get you. You’re tired of waiting hours just to retrieve your bed sheets, and you’re sick of turning up for in-camp training (ICT) with no clue of what you’re gonna do. I totally get you.

Similarly, my bros in the Army have acknowledged that non-too-convenient fact, and have made efforts to change things up through the new staple, technology. No more treating you guys like little kids; it’s time to go full techie on things. In fact, this is what my sworn brother Defence Minister Ng Eng Hen had to say:

“Because the SAF was made mainly for NSmen (operationally-ready national servicemen), you got to get their buy-in. We can’t operate systems which are 2G and expect 3G or 4G soldiers to use that.”

Well said, brotha. I knew exchanging that cup of blood was worth it.

So without further ado, I proudly present to you guys, One Innovation, the smart ICT app you all need, and deserve.

2. Functions

I bet you’re wondering, what does One Innovation offer? Well apart from a whole load of sugar, spice, and everything sliced, it also offers:

• Ability to check your packing lists and training programmes six months ahead of time

Yes we heard you, boys. No more last minute schedules; you’ll all soon be informed ahead of time! And for the folks out there with external commitments, you can now plan appointments around the schedule, or take a day off rather than say, the whole week. Isn’t that convenient?

But don’t even think of chao-genging. That’s an offence worse than death, and I’ll have you know that I don’t tolerate it one bit.

“DOWN, CORPORAL CHAN. DOWN!”

(An old NSman in the office claims that in the past, units would upload the training schedules in NS.sg, but somehow that’s not available now. And according to the same old NSman, there used to be an app for IPPT / RT, too.)

• Completing surveys

In the past, NSMen sit in a huddle and complete hard copy questionnaires.

But screw that, limpeh has more stuff to do than just printing paper.

With the app, you can now complete your post-ICT survey on the go, and the commanding officer can also collate results in near real time and address key issues in a timelier fashion. That, in turn, strengthens engagement, which I’m sure you guys all need.

• Send messages to one another

Whatsapp? Pfft that’s so old-school. 

3. Launch date

When’s the launch date, you ask? Well according to my second sworn brother Lieutenant Colonel (LTC) Lennon Tan, head general staff HQ Signals and Command Systems, 2019’s the magical number.

Stating that the app will be pushed out “progressively across the Army starting from 2019”, he did not offer a timeline, though as that would depend on when the ICTs take place and the number of units coming on board.

For my Navy and Air Force brethen, despair not, for there are plans to bring you guys on board. But as the situation stands, it might just take a bit more time for that to materialise.

“Hey I’m from the Air Force! I’m gonna go for reservist in November so I need the app pronto!”

Shut the motherfiretruck up and do your push ups. DOWN, DOWN. Hahaha sorry you guys have to see this… DOWN.

4. User experience

Just check out all the satisfied ICT customers, courtesy of my ever-beloved second sworn brother LTC Tan.

“What used to be a task that is performed on pen and paper is now digital and allows the NSman to be mobile,” he said.

Having collected “very encouraging” feedback from three NS units, he noted that improved efficiency seemed to be the consensus on the ground.

“Our NSmen find that the app has greatly shortened some of the time that is needed to perform the administrative task. So, they now can pay more focus to what matters most, and that is the training.”

That’s right, folks. With all the administrative tasks made easier, you will now find it easier to focus on the core aspect, the training itself. 

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5. Commanders

As a Brigadier General in the army, I can totally empathise with the commanders. So with that in mind, I specifically requested for my bros to tweak the app such that commanders will have it a bit easier. It’s alright, no need to thank me. Just intro me to your sisters if you really want. 😉

“Major, t-that’s sexual harrassment!”

“DOWN!”

Benefits:

Edit training schedules on the go
That’s right, commanders; you don’t have to meet with ICT trainers in the flesh before making changes anymore. Just call the trainers, refer them to the app to consult on changes, use the app to update the schedule and the change will be reflected almost instantaneously. Easy peasy.

Indicate with the app whether your men have reported to camp, and mark absentees together with the reason and duration. In other words, daily parade states will never be that troublesome anymore.
No more manually jotting down on paper. Save your pretty fingers, and just leave that to the app.

6. Login

Like the NS portal, the app will be accessible via SingPass.

“Nani?! But I’ve no idea what my password is!”

Then reset your password la FK.

7. Concerns

Like everything else, I’m sure you have your concerns about the new technology. And that’s really kind of expected, seeing how you’re a Singaporean and Singaporeans are like the no. 1 at concerns of all nature.

As such, you will be able to sleep tight at night, knowing that the app’s security is pretty solid.

“First of all, there is no sensitive information to be put on the app,” ma bro LTC Tan said. “Data is stored on internal server, not on the Internet. Within internal servers, we have adequate security measures to protect the data.”

Also, your data plan will not be in danger of collapsing. Most of the features on the app are text-based and not heavy on graphics, which means that contrary to picture apps like Tinder, OkCupid and Paktor it will not take up a huge chunk of your precious data.

8. What about NSMen without smartphones?

Look, I get it. Not everyone has a smartphone, whether it’s out of his own volition or choice. Well worry not, because you won’t get outcast because of this. Commanders and buddies will still be able to update you via text messages, so keep calm and carry on.

But wait, what about the infamous red zones? And no I’m not talking about Geylang.

Well, according to my divine brah LTC Tan, the app is designed to support, not replace, traditional command processes.

“Whatever training they are going through, the commanders must update the soldiers on what’s happening,” he added.

9. Smart Camp app

If you thought One Innovation was the only one, you’re wrong. Knock it down.

“But I’ve done 1,000 already!”

Oh you did? Great, let’s have 1,000 more.

“WT-”

Anyway, another app that’s all set to make things more efficient is the camp companion app, which will grant access to camp, unit and training information on the go. These include alerts, nit routine orders and medical status.

Additionally, the app will also feature a digital identification feature that will allow servicemen to indent meals, book camp facilities and report incidents.

And I haven’t even touched the tip of the iceberg; there will also be initiatives such as the

Smart cookhouses
Indicate your meal preference via the camp companion, and weekend duty personnel can retrieve their food from automated dispensers. Though there’s still no way to order Foodpanda with it.

Smart stores and armskotes
No more dreaded armskote duty, my fellow men. At self-service stores, servivemen can daw and return equipement at their own convenience. Meanwhile tracking technology will keep tabs on controlled equipment like weapons (including its cleanliness).

Wait, like that armstroke men no more liao?

There will also be a facial recognition technology that screens people for ill intent as they walk through a camp, so you’ll best be advised to get rid of your resting bitch face before you get tagged as Mas Selamat’s imposter.

10. Endless possibilities

The possibilities for the future are endless, and such is the case for army welfare too.

“The idea is that you really can cut down a lot of daily rituals and waiting time if you use smart technology,” my neighbour Dr Ng added. “We are currently working on it, and the next-generation SAF must keep pace with the expectations of the next generation of Singaporeans.”

Well said, Dr Ng. 

And that’s it from me, folks. It’s been a pleasure working with you guys, and I hope you enjoyed all the little skits I and my fellow compatriot here employed for you guys.

“It. Wasn’t. A. Skit.”

Just look at how happy he is! Aww how cute. Anyway, stay tuned for further updates, because Brigadier General See Bei Shuai here will probably be gracing the stage again come app update.

“Just get the eff away from here you self-complimented intruder.”

Without further ado, see you!

Hey, who said you can stop your push ups?

“I’M DONE WITH IT. ALL 2000.”

Another 1,000 then. LET’S GO.

(Editor’s note: Writer is a NSman who has yet to serve his first ICT, which is why he’s so gungho. He didn’t know that ICT is essentially a paid chalet for insurance agents to canvass for sales.)

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