Uber has made our life so much fun with the many funny/weird types of Uber drivers we come across. And once you get in the car, there is no room for escape.
The political guru
This is the guy whom one day will be your driver and the next, a political candidate. Getting this guy as your driver means listening to endless rants about the state of politics today, a lecture on the political structure and…and…and I am dozing off already.
All you can do when you are caught in this situation is to pretend you are listening and nod along. Unless you are interested in political issues; then be prepared to have a great conversation.
The kay-poh kia
“Eh girl ah, where you study ah?”; “Eh girl ah, how many siblings you have ah?”; “Eh girl ah, your great great great grandparents from where one ah?”. This is the nosy uncle who wants to know every single detail about your life. Even your pet cat cannot escape from his curiosity.
The only solution to stop him from asking so many questions is to give him a shocking answer. So the next time you get a question like “Eh boy ah, you so handsome, got girlfriend or not?”, your answer should be something like this, “No lah uncle, *insert something shocking*,” with a wink aimed at him. There will be absolute silence in the car from that moment onwards.
The ti ko pek
I am sure most of the ladies would have experienced drivers like this who apparently have problems controlling their urges. These are the perverts who try making a move on a girl the moment she gets in.
The warning sign is always a question that is so weird that you can’t put a finger to it, like, “Girl, you like wearing tank tops hor?”. Erm, where did that even come from? They then move on to more personal questions, some to the extent of even asking the girl to date them. (Ew.)
So for all the ladies, please be careful if you get a driver like this. Be on your guard and try not to let him know the exact location of your house.
The nostalgic one
“In my time, food only cost 50 cents. Now one plate of Kway Teow cost me $2. Aiyah!” These are the older age uncles who reminisce about the past and compare it to the future. They make for good storytelling and they give you a pretty detailed picture of how life was like at their time.
For some of us, it is pleasant to listen to because many of their stories teach the importance of making do with what you have. These kind of drivers are my personal favourite.
The complain king
This is the driver who complains about everything, from ERP to the government and to the mee goreng stall increasing the price by 10 cents.
Not only that, any small incident he sees, becomes a chance for him to complain. If a car were to switch lanes without signalling, it will first be met with a simple “Walao!” and then before you know it, it will be an issue of how high COE prices are. If you are in a car with this type of a driver, all I can say is, good luck!
The Shuai Ge
Getting into a car with this one is like hitting the jackpot. Not only will you be enjoying the ride, you will have a pleasant view every time you turn your head to the right.
Most of the time, however, these Uber drivers have no idea that they are good-looking which is why they might get a little confused by all the attention they are getting.
The silent killer
As the name suggests, the silence from this guy is enough to kill you. The only sound, if any, is the both of you breathing, and maybe the soft music from the radio.
Throughout the whole ride, this driver says absolutely nothing and even at the end of the trip, he just stops and waits for you to get out. Creepy? Hell yes. The only thing you can do is to pray for the trip to end as soon as possible.
The music in this guy’s car is so loud that you can hear him coming from a distance away. The moment you get in, you feel like you just entered Zouk. And if you guys ever decide to have a conversation, trust me when I say you have to yell across.
The positive side to this though is that these drivers usually have good music so at least you will enjoy it.
This is the calm, smart and cool driver who reminds you of your dad. He gives great advice, asks concerned questions like, “Why are you out so late? It’s not safe you know.”, and makes you feel comfortable talking about just anything. Such drivers are great people to talk to, especially at night.
A rare species but these are the drivers who give you a tummy ache from laughing too much. They are not afraid to crack jokes about themselves. One cute uncle I came across told me, “Girl, I don’t even need an airbag, my tummy is big enough to save me in a crash!” It was one of the best rides I had.
So if you guys are lucky enough to get this type of drivers, do remember to give them a good rating. After all, it takes skill to make just anyone laugh.
So there you have it, the Uber drivers we cannot escape from. Which one is your favourite?