I’ve been called an “auntie” once. Twice. Thrice. Okay, countless times.
And each time that word rang into my ears, my heart beat so fast that all I wanted to do is to grab that person’s collar and get her to explain which part of me screamed “auntie”.
But in reality, all I did was to look at myself in the mirror and reminded myself not to dress that way again. But we’ve all faced it: the dreadful period when you realise you’re apparently no longer a girl, but an auntie.
We’re not talking about that period—but a period when you ticked a few of these signs. Or all of them.
1. You can’t resist a sale
Even if you have to travel for one hour, you’ll make the trip because saving $20 for that dress is just oh-so-worth-it. It doesn’t matter whether you need it or not—you just buy it and think of when to wear it later. You’ve the Goody Feed app in your phone and check it every day, because you’re always look for the best deals. 0.1% is still a steal to you, and saving $0.05 is still considered a win.
2. You’re thinking of perming your hair (or have permed it)
Subjective, subjective, subjective. But go to any university and you get the idea: most female students have straight, silky hair. Perm your hair and you’ll have students walking up to you and asking you for directions in this way: “Prof, may I know how to I get to…” Or worse, when these young students call you an ‘au-
3. Someone said that you’ve become louder
You need someone to remind you that. Once that occurs, you’ll scream back at her at the top of your voice, denying that you’ve become LOUDER, or they’ve become softer.
4. You’re no longer attracted to young, playful boys
You prefer a mature man with a stable job. You also wonder whether he can perform—not on the streets, but you know, in da room, because you need more kids.
5. You can’t resist anything free
Free burgers in McDonald’s tomorrow morning? You’ll wake up at 5.00 a.m. on a Sunday just for that. And you’ll queue up again and again and again. Sometimes, you’ll get your boyfriends, husbands, children, friends and everyone else to queue up. It’s free! How can anyone just let it pass? So what if nobody’s eating it? You must have it because it’s free!
6. You plan your children’s future
…even if you’ve got no boyfriend yet. Just in case, you know. Heck, you might have saved up for your grandson’s university fee – even if you’re still single af.
7. You need to put on make-up even if you’re just going downstairs to buy dinner
You don’t want to bump into a friend who wonders who you are.
8. You have more handbags instead of schoolbags
Nike becomes Coach. Adidas becomes LV. And it doesn’t matter whether they’re authentic; schoolbags are for kids. You ain’t a kid.
9. You have more skirts than hot pants
…and hot pants become a staple at home, not outside the home.
10. You start to gain weight even when you maintain your diet
Can any doctor explain this? Why does God make us this way? Why do wrinkles come with fats? 2-in-1?
11. You prefer to sleep than to go out
Sleeping is good. Going out is for kids. Come on, admit it: you hope that every day is a weekend, because all you do during the weekends is to sleep.
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