Facebook’s many things: convenient, entertaining, savvy, advanced, sassy, etc, etc.
If I had to write out every quality on a piece of paper you had better give me one long ass sheet.
But it seems that Facebook is still not content with that list. “I want more,” it shouts. “But what else do I lack?”
Revenue for social media sites, maybe?
“Nah, screw that. I’m not letting you guys earn a single cent off my own site,” it yells. “Ah I know. Love. Everyone’s crazy about it nowadays, so why not?”
That’s how Facebook delved into the profession of being a love teller.
And I dare say it’s doing a pretty good job too; it could even surpass that Ah Hong across the street, who keeps telling you that you would be blessed with a football team if you marry him.
Well, Facebook knows everything.
Except for the number of nose hairs you have.
Not even Facebook wants to know that.
The 8 Mojos
Bright Side collected some interesting conclusions and signs which made it possible to discover which relations attach two ordinary social network users.
And from there, they derived 8 Facebook analytical reports that will totally make your great uncle George yell, “Hoo Hah!”
Facebook analyzes couples for its studies
Unlike your local Xiao Hong and Xiao Mei, who change their relationship status faster than you can eat your Oreo Cheesecake, not all users publicly record their Facebook relationship status.
But Facebook can still tell whether you’re great friends or even lovers.
The team takes down the behaviour of those who have already noted the status of their relationship, and finds similarities in other people.
And if you have been found out, Facebook will chip in with some free matchmaking services.
- You will begin to see more news from this person in your Newsfeed
- This user will appear higher in your chat bar
- The site will invite you to arrange an organizational meeting for this person’s birthday party.
- Facebook will sometimes remind you of what unites you and offer to share joint memories on your Timeline.
So THAT’S why I keep seeing those stuff on my feed.
Facebook reads what people experiencing love write
Around 100 days before changing their relationship status to “In a relationship”, users tend to use the words “love”, “sweet” and “happy” in messages and publish stuff on their crushes’ walls. In fact, there’s an estimated average of 2 posts per 12 days.
Facebook also noticed when users publish something, it’s more likely to be positive news.
Facebook knows your future significant other’s age
Facebook has even deducted how old your future significant other will be.
The older the user, the lower the possibility that their next partner will be of the same age.
(Is this why so many old men go for women young enough to be their daughter?)
For Twenty-somethings, the difference is likely to be just 1-2 years, while for people over 45, the difference is estimated at an average of 5-6 years.
But there ARE exceptional cases. For example, Scandinavians opt to date their peers, while Egyptian men like their women 8-10 years younger.
Facebook knows the month in which you will meet new acquaintances
The social media giant noticed that in August every year, users add new friends, mostly from other countries.
And its explanation is as easy as a,b and d: most users go on Vacation in August, and that’s when they tend to meet new friends.
I know for a fact that it’s not true for Singaporeans though.
We go on vacations all the time; just got to ask the boss for that extra five days of leave.
Dunno whether he’s giving, though.
Facebook can tell whether it’s true love
This estimation applies only to those over 23. For those younger than that, shoo off and go drink some HL milk.
Facebook deduced that should you be over 23 years old and changed your status to “In a relationship”, the likelihood that you will stay together for 4 years or more is high if the both of you keep the relationship status for more than 3 months.
Conclusion: the long period of time a couple spends together; the less likely they will break up.
I think Captain Obvious might have turned up for a bit there.
Facebook knows when people argue more. How the heck does it know that?
According to Facebook, most couples break up between May and July, and in February. Why? It’s just something to do with Valentine’s Day, a pretty unfortunate New Year’s and perhaps even an incoming summer vacation.
Gotta take down notes for the future, mates!
Facebook can tell when you’re gonna break up
Around a week before the relationship goes up in smokes, the user starts to interact more frequently with friends and family: exchanging messages and commenting under publications.
On the day of the breakup, the number of interactions with other users increases by an estimated 225%.
“Eh, you break up ah?”
“I saw your change in status. Did you break up?”
Yeah, could totally imagine that.
Facebook is pretty sure that love prolongs life
People who communicate with loved ones through Facebook tend to live longer than those who only use live communication.
Nope, it’s not just a random hypothetical bomb. It’s based on pretty legitimate research.
Facebook’s theory is simple: it’s not just a matter of direct communication when there’s no opportunity to meet up in person.
On Facebook, you can feel the encouragement, support and care, and these aspects help you to feel that “Oh, my life’s actually worth living.”
Can we count on Facebook to find our Prince Charming/ Princess Peach?
Probably not, because no amount of foresight is going to help if you don’t take the first step: interaction.
So yeah, it’s up to ourselves in the end.
But I can’t deny it: the analytical reports did make sense, and some of them helped us understand more of how… the human mind works?
Now if you will excuse me, I will be right back in a jiffy.
Just gotta spam my crush’s wall.
With luck, this could just spark the start of a three-month relationship status change.
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This article was first published on goodyfeed.com
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