11 things that P-plate drivers would say…and they’re ALL wrong

1. “LOOK AT ME, I’M AN ADULT NOW. I am SO ready.”
All new drivers MUST have felt like this at some point. No exceptions. Being in the driver’s seat is like the holy grail of adulthood – you get to go from place to place by yourself WITHOUT dragging your parents around, after all. With all those snazzy driving manoeuvres you make, you can’t help but feel like a super adult. Yes…your excitement is bursting at its seams.

2. “Is my mirror adjusted properly? Is my seat too front or too back? Are my legs reaching the accelerator properly?”
If you’re one of those careful, new drivers, you’ll probably have that OCD feeling you get before you leave for your destination. You want to feel as comfortable as possible while driving!

3. “I’m going to turn the radio station way up. Oh, wait…mum’s looking at me funny, lol.”
You WOULD turn the music all the way up so that it just drowns the entire vehicle in heavy bass beats, but you can’t because your parents are cringing and judging you. Oh, fine.

4. “This is good, I’m doing great so far. Did you see the U-turn I just did? FLAWLESS, babeh.”
You’re not in Fast & Furious, but you probably feel like you could get a lead role in the movie. Your driving skills are marvellous, you say (as you proceed to step on the brakes clumsily in order to avoid tailgating the fella in front of you).

5. “Am I going too fast? Oh man, I don’t feel brave enough to go past 80km/h.”
Or maybe I’m just a noob. New drivers who haven’t driven much in their life yet tend to be slightly more conservative when it comes to vehicle speed…unless they’re a true natural, yeah?

6. “UGH. To honk or not to honk?”
Sometimes it’s hard to react when a bad driver does some terrible driving stunt in front of you – you get into a shock and you’re unsure about whether to use the honk or not. Would it be rude if you honked, you wonder?

7. “WHY ARE YOU HONKING AT ME? Can’t you see I have a ‘P’ sticker on my car?”
New Malaysian drivers – do you ever have that gut-clenching feeling when someone honks at you when you’ve absolutely done nothing wrong? You can’t take it personally, man, and you shouldn’t speed up or do something dangerous just because the impatient, dick of a person behind you is pressuring you to do so.

8. “Did you…just overtake  me?”
Is 80km/h not fast enough? Oh, wait, I’m on a highway. Maybe that’s why. But why did you have to be so heartless?

9. “I understand why everyone hates traffic so much now.”
Now that you’re a driver, you totally understand how painful it is to be stuck in a massive traffic jam. All you want to do is go home. You also want to cry because changing lanes when there’s a huge traffic clog is simply the most painful thing to do.

10. “How do I park? How do I park?! That was so bad. Let me reverse again.”
Parallel parking – the woe of all new drivers. Everyone knows how to park head on into a parking bay, but when it comes to parallel parking…it needs a little practice.

11. BONUS ROUND if you’re in a driving school in Malaysia:
Matienjin? AGAIN? SHET! Screw it, I’m going to be driving automatic anyway.