Last Updated on 2016-05-18 , 3:51 pm
Disclaimer: this article is meant to be satirical and humorous. Do not get butt-hurt by it. I repeat, do NOT get butt-hurt by it.
Disclaimer 2: I’ve been in New Zealand for four years. Kiwis, therefore, shall be my inspiration. I love them for it. If all you know about NZ is that it’s the place where Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit was filmed, there’s no need to feel too guilty (shame on you though – especially if you think NZ is a part of Australia, lmao) – many Kiwis don’t know the fine print of Asia either. If you’re sitting on your chair wondering about something like, “ohmygerd, what do these Kiwis think about me when I first walk into a room?” then here’s an all-comprehensive list for you.
#1 “Omg, you’re Asian. You can do anything.”
You’re an A-sian, not a B-sian. Math? Not a problem. All Asians (except me, because I can’t even calculate the costs of my groceries accurately) are GOOD at Math and can tell you how to sine, cos and tangent without breaking a sweat. They can also recite the full value of pi up to 30 decimals long. Why? Because you’re Asian, and you’re the person EVERYONE in class is academically worried of.
#2 “So you do Health Science, right?”
Damn, son, this misconception isn’t actually a misconception – how can it be a misconception when it’s so true that it hurts? Many Asians in NZ are enrolled in science-related courses at university, regardless of whether it’s Medicine, Dentistry, Pharmacy, Chemistry, Physiology, or whatever intricate, complex Scientific study that floats your boat. Interesting trivia: I was once added into a Facebook group for Epidemiology by a friend (who obviously didn’t know that I did Law and did not have the slightest clue as to what Epidemiology was).
#3 “Do you study 8 hours a day?”
Asians are often cranking it out in the library and use whatever spare time they have to study, study, and study. Not exactly like the healthy Kiwi who leads a more balanced life.
#4 “So do you, like, speak Malaysian or Asian?”
At least they didn’t call it the ching chong language.
#5 “Are you part of the Asian group?”
An unfortunate but true situation for many Asians in NZ – many often congregate with the same ethnic group they’re in, resulting in cliques that shouldn’t even be happening.
#6 “Are you from China?”
“I grew up in Malaysia…but I’m Chinese. Uh, so I’m ethnically Chinese…but I’m of Malaysian nationality…uh…you look confused!” Kiwis often need a little breakdown as to the difference between ethnicities and nationalities when Southeast Asia is concerned, but that’s okay. I mean, seriously, I can’t tell the difference between Kiwis, Americans, Russians or plenty other Europeans after meeting them either unless they tell me.
#7 “Oh wow, you speak SUCH GOOD ENGLISH! Were you taught how to?”
No I don’t, I magically learned how to speak the language fluently as soon as Singapore Airlines dropped me off at Auckland. Obviously. Such praise is duly welcomed, however.
#8 “You must be a fan of anime.”
I am a fan, but not everyone is.
#9 “You must know so much karate! Like that Jet Li guy – is that his name?”
I’m a black belter, but not everyone is.
#10 “You’re from *insert country here*? I’ve travelled there before, I have friends there!”
They’ll happily pull out their travel blogs, GoPro photos, and selfie-stick selfies for you to admire. And then you’ll travel around NZ, marvel at Hobbiton, and do the same to them after.
#11 “Your eyes are pretty big for an Asian!”
And yours are pretty small for a European!
#12 “Ah, the Asian dressing.”
You have a range of people who dress, well, normally – and then you have two extreme opposites of dressing. Kiwis often dress simple but stylishly and do not go to great pains to wear branded goods. The stereotypical Asian (especially the loaded ones) will deck themselves in LVs and mismatching sports shoes to class, often confusing people as to whether they’re going to the gym or a fancy dinner.
#13 “If you’re Asian, you probably know how to play an instrument.”
Many Asians do know how to play an instrument as result of being forced to learn how to by their parents.
#14 “You’re Asian? OMG, I love sushi!”
You’re Kiwi? OMG, I love fish and chips!
#15 “You have a boyfriend? Oh…is he Asian?”
Somehow it’s unclear as to why this should matter, but people ALWAYS ask anyway. Kiwis often don’t ask Kiwis as to whether their partners are Kiwis, but they always seem to do it for Asians.
#16 “Sum Ting Wong!”
The funny jokes about mispronounced Asian names never cease…
#17 “Rice everyday?”
No As, no rice from mum!
#18 “Do you all eat dog?”
I can attest to the fact that many Asians find the practice of eating dog abhorrent – so no, not all Asians eat dog.
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