Singapore is a great place for loads of people, rich people, foreign expats, clean freaks and the list goes on. But there’s one group Singapore is NOT great for, couples. In fact Singapore might probably be a more conducive place for actual birds than lovebirds
So here at Shopback, we decided to give voice to the bereaved couple, with 19 challenges any Singaporean couple can attest to.
1. Where to go?
Orchard, Raffles, City Hall, Orchard, Raffles, City Hall, Orchard, Raffles, City Hall and on and on till we fade away into our BTO tombs.
2. What to do?
Watch a movie, eat, watch a movie, eat, eat a movie, watch, get married, watch a movie, eat, die
3. Stares from the elderly
It’s the relentlessness of their gaze, like they’re studying your every move, exposing the cracks in your relationship to dissect later with their Mahjong buddies.
Interracial couples get it wayyyy worse, something about the mixture of colour totally blows old people’s minds
4. Deciding when enough PDA is enough
Look, no one likes excessive PDA, but what exactly is EXCESSIVE? Hand holding? Light pecks on the cheek? Mouth kisses? Dry humping? In a country as repressed as Singapore, toeing the line is one of the great challenges of being in a relationship
The issue of PDA is really important because 95% of all Singaporeans are secretly ultra cool “journalists” working for Stomp, who come up with hard hitting exposes like this
“STOMPer Wena was disgusted by the sight of this couple glued to each other on a bus.”
Well STOMPer Wena, if that is your real name, I would just like to thank you for your continued vigilance in ensuring Singapore remain a country where any display of affection or love is brutally repressed and we live our lives as cold and distant as humanly possible
6. Money (or lack thereof)
Things are expensive in Singapore, especially so when you’re in a relationship and love consistently overwhelms common sense. The emptier the wallet, the awesomer the date went.
7. Public transport sibei expensive
“Hey, you wanna take the MRT to grab a quick lunch at Somerset, cab to Vivo in time for the 1.30 movie then maybe cross over to Sentosa for a while before taking a bus back to Ang Mo Kio, send you home then take the last train back to Holland V” All your money’s used up and you didn’t even know it.
8. But car even more expensive
No joke here, I just really can’t afford a car man.
9. HDB walls are much too thin
Passion is all good and well but HDB walls were meant for 60 year old couples slowly fading away together instead of passionate young couples doing passionate young stuff.
10. Working hours
Singaporeans spend an inordinate amount of time at work. In fact, according to a recent study, 83% of couples have not seen each other in 4 years* which kinda explains this reaction
*Not a real stat
11. Zheng Geping
Probably the biggest threat to couples in Singapore, Zheng Geping mixes an intricate blend of maturity, charisma, personality, wisdom and pecs (6 of them) to become the number 1 cause of broken relationships in Singapore*
This guy damn spoil market sia
*Not a real stat
12. Ann Kok
The female version of Zheng Geping. She combines your youthful whims (provided your boyfriend watched Fu Man Ren Jian while he was growing up) with that same mature touch, all while having the greatest sexual innuendo laced name among any Singaporean celebrities.
13. National Service
National Service is basically a form of LDR but way way worse because your apart from the distance, your boyfriend loses his hair also.
Ah Boys to Single Men indeed.
14. Laggy Skype
Out of the blue, your boyfriend suggests you guys “Take a break from each other”, you don’t see this coming, neither does your boyfriend when you stop returning his calls. All he said was “Hey, lets TAKE A BREAK-dancing course together, the instructor’s FROM Japan. I love that we can do these things with EACH OTHER”
Other problems associated with Skype include
15. Demanding in-laws
Every parent wants the best for their children, the problem is Singaporean parents, alternatively known as your future in-laws, want the best for their children, their future grandchildren, their great great grandchildren, their great great great grandchildren’s pet iguana and so forth.
So unless you are a doctor by day and lawyerman by night, expect a huge heaping of disappointment.
16. Finding the perfect gift
Your 12th monthsary or as your parents call it “an anniversary” (haha lameos!) is coming up and you don’t know what to get for your significant other, maybe you should take a quick trip to Orchard or Raffles City or City Hall or… Orchard again.
Or you could try getting her any of the amazing dresses on offer at Zalora, and enjoy a 12% cashback while you’re at it , when you get it though Shopback!
but don’t spoil market la (I’m looking at you Zheng Geping)
17. Keeping the flame alive
Every couple goes through a rough patch, maybe it’s the long working hours, or constant arguments or Zheng Geping. Whatever it is, keeping the romantic flame alive is both a challenge and essential for a long lasting relationship.
How about a short getaway to ignite the passion, just the 2 of you? Book an affordable vacation with Expedia today and get 8% cashback at the same time when you use Shopback.
18.When to get a home/ when to get married?
Your first house will most likely send you tumbling into an abyss of debt, which is dug even deeper by the cost of a potential wedding and all the furniture you’ve gotta buy. Intangibles like “I love you so much” is replaced by “do I love you this much?” (insert debt number)
19. How many children?
Yes, I know having children is a beautiful thing, and that shaping another human life from a fetal blip to a point where they can stand on their own 2 feet, both literally and metaphorically, is a testament to the majesty of that little miracle we call life… but on the other hand, milk powder prices are going up soooooo
With the amazing deals at Redmart, you can afford to get your groceries AND raise a child. Earn an additional 9% cashback when you purchase it through Shopback
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