“Guys don’t like me…” you say as you pluck the petals off a dozen roses.
Enough of that bullsh**. If you’ve ever wondered why guys don’t make the first move or why won’t he make the first move, listen up.
You may think that guys who don’t make the first move are cowardly and not worthy of your consideration at all, but here are just some of the few things you really have no idea what goes on in his mind, and it might make you cry.
Why Won’t He Make A Move On Me?
1. When you are worthy of his utmost respect and love
He likes me but doesn’t make a move, you think. But perhaps it’s because he does not want to mess with your feelings when he is not ready. When it has passed 120 days (or even 1,200 days) and he still does not show his feelings for you outrightly, it’s not because he doesn’t value you.
In fact, it could be the opposite. He is used to being on his own and only hangs out with close friends from time to time. He does not see the need to fill up his time with a relationship for the sake of it, going after someone who is not worth it, someone he does not value or love dearly.
And one day you walk into his life, turning it upside down from then on, but you won’t even know it. From the day you pull at his arm to run after a bus, or fling your bag at him for him to carry when you’re tired or pinch him randomly to wake him up in class, or slip your hands into his jacket pocket when you are cold, you have stepped into his world where no one has ever before.
Perhaps you do those things all the time with your friends, but his social circle might be drastically different and he can’t help finding you cute when you unintentionally got his attention.
He loves it when you share random things with him, about your siblings, about that bitchy boss you have at your internship, about those project group mates who are freeriding off the hard work you have done, or about the dance competition you have trained so hard but did not make it to the top 3 teams.
It’s not his nature to share his life with anyone because he is not the kind of person that likes explaining himself. He may not know how to respond to you when you talk about yourself, don’t mistake this for that he doesn’t care and is bored by you – deep down he is making a mental note of all your likes and dislikes, cares and fears, preferences and pet peeves.
But he doesn’t show it, he doesn’t advance. He hopes to be there to catch you when you fall, but because he respects you so much, he doesn’t want to give you anything short of his ideal self because he is sure that you deserve a better person, even if it’s not him.
Reader: *googles “guys don’t like me”*
I told you to read this article first!
2. When you are an overachiever
You might have caught his attention when you made that witty comment in class or topped the class with amazing grades. You might be sporty, creative, and academically talented, and he has never seen a girl that capable in his life.
What’s more, you’re independent, thoughtful, and kind. You are his ideal type. But… he has poor grades to match up with you, he has no driving license to take you around wherever you want to go, he cannot harmonise and play together with you, your favourite song on the piano, and he stutters and blushes every time you walk past him.
He will try to be a better self, he will put in effort to pick up new skills, but he will never want to woo you before he thinks he can match up to you before he is ready.
It’s not because he is a coward; he doesn’t want to subject you to gossip or scrutiny if people judge you for your taste.
He cares about your dignity more than his, and you will not know this. He doesn’t think it is even important mentioning that to you, for it will just expose his own inferiority complex.
3. When he thinks you don’t reciprocate
You both are in very different social circles – from different secondary schools or JC, in different universities, taking different courses or having different interests. He tries to make an effort, to understand and try out the things that you like. Be it cooking or photography or drawing, he will go out of character and be deeply engrossed in reading and trying to figure out tutorials, recipes, catalogues.
He follows the facebook pages you follow to receive updates about the fields you are interested in, he makes a mental note to source for the newest stylus and tablet to draw digitally or that new model of a camera you briefly mentioned to him, he posts quotes from your favourite author or shares funny videos on his social media walls to cheer you up when he knows you are down.
He volunteers to buy your old devices at a high price just so you can get a new phone or laptop. He volunteers to check through your project report or academic paper in the middle of the night before your submission on the next day.
He adds your favourite colour to his list of favourite colours and starts buying shirts of that colour to wear when you jio him out for lunch to kill time between your appointments. He knows it, deep down, that you might only see him as a brother, or as another of your ‘girl friends’ if he is not the macho kind of guys that have the ability to melt your heart without even doing anything.
He waits, because he doesn’t believe that you are only asking him out or asking for his help with things out of convenience; he hopes that one day he can let you understand the various sides of himself—some romantic sides or sentimental sides that you have no idea he has— because he wants to be cheerful and energetic when he’s around you.
But when he finally sees that he can never stand a chance, he will quietly turn his back and step away from you, without you knowing you have shaken his world upside down so violently. He never wanted to affect your life and waste your time just because of his one-sided feelings.
Still thinking “guys don’t like me”?
4. When you are very outspoken but he’s an introvert
You may feel very comfortable talking to any friend, talking about any topics under the sky. You may have told him that you cannot let go of your ex, or he sees that you are still dwelling in the past. He doesn’t confront you because he doesn’t like forcing you to deal with something you don’t enjoy if you don’t want to.
He respects you a lot by giving you that personal space, but he is always here, checking your updates, standing by his phone to reply your messages when you need him….just that, it seldom happens.
Guys who are not outspoken are not weak, they are much more sensitive and compassionate than you know. He likes being around you, but often have no idea what to say to you—yes he might be thinking for hours and hours the night before meeting you of the topics he can chat with you.
He surfs the internet for ideas on how to talk to girls or how a shy guy can get a girl. He tries to pick up the guitar to express himself through singing, he learns to code and makes a beautiful website which he can casually show you to impress you.
He posts his feelings on some social media sites that have no following, releasing his angst and his perceived incompetency on sites like Tumblr, Pinterest, or Plurk—his channels to release frustration and not gain attention because he is really an introvert and one who lives with a very low profile.
It’s not easy to get into his world, understand his thoughts, but once you show interest, he will pour out his heart to you. You might think he’s being a coward by not being straightforward and showing his love, but have you any idea how much thought he has given about you and all the considerations he have?
If you are really worth it, he will not want to risk the friendship with you because he knows he can never find anyone that is worth being friends with as much as you.
Why Won’t He Make A Move
You’re probably going crazy wondering why is he not making a move on you. Just hang on, and reread this list.
And stop thinking “guys don’t like me” because it’s just not true.
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