5 reasons why Nutella is better than your girlfriend


Last Updated on 2016-05-18 , 3:56 pm

1. No tantrums

Nutella won’t throw fits whenever you don’t buy it extra accessories. It won’t take it out on you whenever it’s having NMS.

Your girlfriend looks like the witch in Left 4 Dead when you don’t buy her that fashion apparel, and she screams like the said witch when she’s having her PMS.

2. No clingy mess

When you finish your helpings of Nutella, you simply have to close the lid on that baby and put it in the cupboard. No protestations, nothing. It listens to you, and leaves you alone when you need the space.

When you have spent the whole day with your girlfriend and quite frankly you’re getting quite sick of her, you attempt to send her home, only to trigger her whole oh-so-you-have-another-girl-out-there-and-want-me-out-of-the-way-huh syndrome.

3. No unnecessary jealousy

So you talk to other girls for your group projects, or just about general stuff, and your girlfriend starts to become suspicious. Before you know it, your phone would mysteriously be upside down once you’re out of the bath, and if you had changed your lock screen pattern you would see your iPhone unusable for the next thirty minutes.

Nutella is a cool gal – she doesn’t mind even if you eat from other Nutella jars, and when she’s empty she could still store all your favorite things after a quick wash.


Best of all, you can own as many Nutellas as you can. Having as many girlfriends as you can would probably get you castrated.

4. Pleasure

Your girlfriend isn’t particularly active in bed, and you probably have to do all the work, but she still insists that she has an orgasm every single time. So caught up in satisfying her, you forgot about yourself and end up being a grumpy jerk at the end of the day.

Nutella doesn’t want any pleasure; it only wants to pleasure you. Spoon it, lick it or even mix it up with one of those sexy bread ladies – as long as you’re satisfied, its happy.

5. Great listener

There are times when you just want to tell your girlfriend all about that stuff that’s been getting you down, but she probably doesn’t care and insists on telling you about her bitchy friends. Even if you hint to her and stuff, she wouldn’t get it and just roller-coasters on.

Nutella does not want to tell you about its sweeter friends, or under stocked friends; it just wants to listen to you and comfort you. As you take every bite of it, you could feel all the creaminess oozing into your mouth, almost as if it was soothing your soul.

Fresh grads, you don’t need any experience to earn up to $4,200 with this “secret”:

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