Perhaps the both of you broke up due to mistakes the other party made or simply because the two of you quarrelled and took the easy way out. One problem that could surface after the breakup is that the both of you are still madly in love with each other and desperately want the relationship to work out but don’t know how – that’s perfectly fine. We all know that trying to patch things up is harder than the actual breakup and that’s why we are here to help.
Apologising to your partner doesn’t necessarily mean that you are admitting your supposed “mistake”. You could be apologising for the harsh words you said in the heat of the moment or you could be apologising for not putting yourself in his/her shoes during the fight. Regardless, apologising is a great way to break the ice and getting talking about what exactly went wrong.
Stop defending yourself
Everybody is natural inclined to defend themselves during a huge argument and sure, there may be nothing wrong with that but doing so can possibly make things worse. If you really did do something wrong to hurt your partner, admit it. It is only by admitting your mistake that the problem can slowly be solved.
Stand in your partner’s shoes
Quarrels begin due to two parties disagreeing on something. It could be a major issue or it could be a minor one but whichever one it is, you should always try to stand in your partner’s shoes and understand the situation from their point of view.
Your partner could have been feeling upset, angry, or even wronged. This is the best time to provide him/her with some compassion and emotional support instead of advice that could end up sounding judgmental or critical.
Understand the reasons behind the breakup
Breakups are often emotional and because the emotional side of us takes over during such events, we fail to think logically. Thinking logically during arguments is extremely important. Identify the problems and decide how the both of you should tackle them together instead of focusing on how your partner’s past actions made you feel and trying to get them to feel sorry for what they have done.
Show your partner how you have changed
If the reason for the breakup was due to something you have done (or not done), take the initiative and show your partner how you have changed and how much you are committed to that change. Remember, actions speak louder than words.
Give and take
Sometimes it is not about getting your partner to accept who you are. There is always a limit to what a person can take. In such circumstances, it is important for both parties to give and take. For example, if you enjoy clubbing but your partner would prefer you not to, sit down, talk and find a common consensus. Perhaps you could go clubbing once a week instead of the usual thrice a week? Perhaps you could still go as many times as you wish but will have to inform your partner about it lest they worry?
In relationships, you cannot expect your partner to be constantly giving without putting any effort into the relationship yourself.
DPM Lawrence Wong has just spoken about his plan for Singapore in the next ten years and more. Here’s a summary of his first speech: