Master Silent Defecation: How to Poop Quietly When You’re Outside

Last Updated on 2023-05-31 , 3:20 pm

If you’ve landed on this page, it’s likely because you’re interested in understanding the art of defecating in a subtle and silent manner.

You may be wondering, “How to poop without farting?” or “How to not fart while pooping?” and perhaps even more specifically, “How to poop quietly or without making noise?”

These are all valid questions and today, we are going to explore some methods that can help make your bathroom experience a bit less conspicuous.

Imagine yourself in a public setting where you know you have some serious business to attend to in the restroom.

You’re anxious, not wanting to disturb those around you with the potential cacophony of sound.

But fear not, the following six invaluable tips will teach you how to defecate discreetly and maintain your dignity.

Master the Art of Aiming

Surprisingly, the skill of aiming is not limited to urinating. Anyone who has ever tried to aim at a target in a urinal would understand. When defecating, you also need to consider your target – the inner walls of the toilet bowl.

This is essential because the loudest noise often comes from fecal matter hitting the water in the toilet bowl. If you can master this art of aiming, you’ll significantly reduce the overall sound.

But how to achieve this, you ask? If you’re using a sitting toilet bowl, try sitting with just one-half of your posterior on the bowl.

If you’re using a squat toilet, things can be a bit more challenging and may require some adjustments to your posture.

Camouflage Your Sound with a Cough

Knowing your body well can really help in this situation. If you can predict when you’re about to pass wind, you can strategically time a cough to cover the noise.

Just remember to keep your cough sounding natural, as a fake cough could bring more attention to your situation.

Control the Pace

Controlling the pace at which you expel your waste is crucial in the art of silent defecation. Try to engage your muscles to moderate the speed at which your waste exits, which will provide you with more time to implement precautionary measures.

Trust us, it’s much easier to silence something that gradually plops, rather than something that rapidly expels with various sounds.

Preemptively Expel Gas

If you sense some pent-up gas before you make your trip to the restroom, try to discretely release it in a secluded corner.

This can help you avoid the potentially embarrassing combination of a loud fart followed by conspicuous plops.

Use the Flush as a Sound Mask

In some cases, the most effective method for maintaining privacy can be to flush the toilet.

Although it may seem wasteful, a timely flush can help to mask any embarrassing sounds. However, try to keep this to a minimum, as it will use a considerable amount of water.

Create Distractions

Rather than attempting to minimize the sound of your bathroom activities, consider creating a noise distraction.

You could turn on some music or increase the volume of a nearby television. This can help to divert attention away from any noises you may make in the restroom.

By mastering these tips, you can confidently answer the question of “how to poop quietly,” maintain your dignity, and make your bathroom experience a bit more private.

And by the way, do you know that cats’ poo might contact a parasite that makes you love them? Watch this video to the end to know more: