In mere one week, three fast-food chains came out with three new items: Popeyes came out with their salted egg chicken, Burger King came out with their Mentaiko burgers and KFC came out with the Parmesan Truffle Chicken.
And since we’ve been doing reviews of fast-food because they’re cheap, we’ve a hard time trying to decide which one to review.
So we went into our boss’s smelly office and asked, “Boss, this week got three new fast-food items leh. Our readers want us to review. Should we review all?”
“Are you crazy? We don’t even have money to feed our office cat, much less buy more meals for you guys. And my credit card has somehow been hacked because I keep on seeing fast-food transactions in my statement. No, don’t even review one, you son of a gun.”
“But boss, you say we should do everything humanly possible for our readers. They’re our bread and butter, and you said every feedback they provide would be taken in constructively. So shouldn’t we do what they say?”
“Are you that native? It’s all just for show lah! What I’m interested in money, and not readers’ feedback or whatever. Now go downstairs and clean my car!”
I shrugged my shoulder. “Okay, boss. By the way, one of the readers said if we don’t review, he’ll uninstall our app”—a card suddenly flew towards me and had I not caught it, it would have sliced my head off.
It was the boss’s credit card.
“Review it. Now,” the boss said in a voice that was so slow, it gave me the chills.
And so, we managed to secure a budget of $5.70 for a wall KFC, which cost more than $5.70 but we’ll use our own money for the deficit so the company wouldn’t shut down.
KFC’s New Parmesan Truffle Chicken
Before the review, here’s something you’ve got to know about this sinful chicken because it’s so “untraditional”.
Parmesan is a cheese that’s commonly used for pizzas and spaghetti. The cheese can be found in restaurants that sell Italian food, and let’s just say that your grandparents, if they’re Asians, might think they smell as bad as durian to an angmo.
Then there’s truffle: if you’re alive a few years back, you’d have heard of the truffle trend that has since died peacefully. Truffle is a super expensive fungi that has a strong, garlicky taste with a deep musky aroma. It used to be so popular, people then “truffle everything”, much like how people nowadays “salted egg everything”.
According to KFC, it’s a “fresh, juicy chicken marinated in our signature Hot & Spicy marinade, drizzled with truffle-infused cheese sauce and finally topped with shredded parmesan cheese. It’s so deliciously untraditional, yet perfect for the festive!”
So, is it really “deliciously untraditional”?
View this post on Instagram
While it’s marketed as “untraditional”, the box screams traditional, with its red and gold design that your grandparents would approve of immediately.
But open it and you’ll not only see something that’s untraditional, but something that’s un-Instagram-worthy as well.
I mean, look at this.
It’s like my fat colleague who’s wasted and vomited on it yesterday, and the vomit had dried after 24 hours. It doesn’t help that it has no strong smell, unlike McDonald’s salted egg fries that smell like rotten pee mixed with a cat’s fart funky.
So if you’re one who’s there just for the gram, then save your money for something else like a Happy Meal. At least the toys look legit.
With no smell and a look that’ll turn influencers off, I’ve to take a bit of courage for that first bite.
And Jacky Wu’s right in Guess X 3.
(Translation: Never judge a chicken by its skin)