Confessions of a S’porean girl who has never been attached before

Let’s make some things about me clear first (before I start anything about my story). I’m 19 this year and yes I’m a girl who’s never been in a relationship before. And well…maybe some of you will find this weird? I’m not really sure about what most people think but there are people who are shocked/amazed at this ‘unbelievable’ fact.

Especially when we’re in such an open society with the media portraying teenage love and whatnot. I have to admit many of my friends have at least had 1 relationship before. By relationship, I want to clarify it about being serious relationships, not dates or flirting. So, maybe you want to know what this group of girls are actually thinking about. Then, read on. Let’s start with clearing up some myths.

Myth 1: I must be super conservative 
Nope, I’m not. In fact, I’m not even close to being conservative and I honestly see no link between the 2. What’s wrong with being conservative? What’s wrong with being single? You can be either and still live a great life. Rather than it being my values of finding a boyfriend, I would say the reason I haven’t found one is because I just haven’t met him yet.

Sounds so cliched and all, right? Honestly, that’s the whole truth to it. Maybe it’s because I don’t have a social circle full of guy friends. People meet their boyfriends at some church activities, in school or just everywhere. I don’t go to church for one. At my workplaces, it just so happens that there aren’t suitable ones. In school? I see the same boys for years and I don’t feel for them. What’s more, there are only 5 boys in an Arts class.

Myth 2: I’m scared of boys or I don’t like boys
Not even kidding, people like to ask “Are you gay?” “Why do you not hang out with guys?” But my question is WHAT’S SO WRONG ABOUT BEING SINGLE AT 19 THAT I SHOULD BE ASHAMED ABOUT??? Nothing is wrong with a person’s gender orientation but when people question me like that, I feel confused about myself but at the end of day, how can I not even know that I like guys?

I’ve had crushes before, I went on dates before and I’m just like any other normal girl. I could have had a boyfriend but life is like that. It just so happened that nothing worked out in the end.

Myth 3: I’m so lonely I cry myself to sleep
Yeah, right. SO TOTALLY TRUE. As if I have nothing else to do in life? Friends, family……and studies. Truth is, there are too many things going on for me to even have time to wonder if I’m lonely. Now, let me get to some true confessions from the bottom of my heart.

#1: I want a boyfriend
YES, I DO! Sometimes, watching everyone around you going on dates. Ditching you for boyfriend instead and just those sweet moments you see on Instagram. It gets so bad sometimes you start to analyse every single guy around you before you sleep and wonder about the possibility of each guy being your boyfriend. It may sound pathetic but daydreaming isn’t too bad.

#2: I do feel scared about going into a relationship
Because that’s going to be the FIRST. And first times for everyone are always scary, no matter what it is about. Scared that it won’t work out. Scared that reality is too harsh. Scared that I won’t be good enough. Just because it’s the first time.

#3: But I’m really fine
I know I’m just 19 and there are so many things waiting for me. I have friends who are single too. And there are people who only have a relationship in their late 20s. I’m not that worried about not having a boyfriend as of now. Because there’s got to be someone out there for me.  

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