So I worked in a café once. The staff were nice, well, most of them, and the café was really popular and forever brimming with crowds. There were some really wonderful, heart-warming customers who smiled and sang praises, and others who were truly unforgettable- for the wrong reasons. For those of you who have never waited on someone before, or those considering a life career in F&B, this is for you.
“I’m really thirsty. Can I have a glass of water please? At boiling point.”
Probably one of the strongest customers I’ve met- she downed it like iced water.
“Can I have a vanilla latte, skimmed, soy, double up half a shot, all decaf, less vanilla. Biscuit on the side. Does it come with a biscuit? It would be lovely with a biscuit. ”
(I didn’t write anything down on my notepad yet.) Plus no, it did not come with a biscuit.
“Give me a cup of water with one ice cube. Not three, not two, but one.”
Yes lady. I can count. And I think you are suffering from a case of OCD.
(Shoves me her half-drunk cup) “Drink this. It tastes like saliva and rotten eggs. Get me a new one that doesn’t taste like this.”
Firstly, how does she know how that combination tastes like unless…she had it before. Secondly, you know how rotten someone is when they’ve had rotten water and wants others to suffer alongside. PURE RUDENESS.
“Split it into separate bills for us.” (18 different credit cards came rushing into my hands)
DO PEOPLE KNOW THAT WAITRESSES ARE HUMANS WITH FEELINGS TOO??
In case you were wondering, I did it. Went round the table, collected every individual order, generated 18 bills, but still didn’t get a pay rise.
“What is this dessert called? The entire name. Be specific and accurate. I want to Instagram caption it.”
I did give him the exact name and a menu to double-check but he’s probably still not an Instagram star yet.
(Whispers) “You see the guy there outside on the veranda? The one with the sunglasses. Get him a glass of champagne and put it on my tab. Tell him it’s from me. I’ve been single for too long.”
Sunglass man did not ask for her number, she wasted $12 and she’s still single. It’s hard being a woman.
“Can you tell me what aubergine is? Sounds like human meat.”
Aubergine means eggplant and nope, I don’t work at Cannibal Café.
“Do you want to work at my café across the road?”
HAHA! I literally laughed out loud. Have you heard of JobStreet and recruitment portals?
“Can I have 3 cocktails? I know its too early but I really need some. Just get it for me please.”
It was 9:15 a.m. Her life really must suck.
The moral of the story is: be nice to service staff. Their lives are horrid and they meet all sorts of weird people. Smile and say thank you the next time you eat out!
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