10 annoying yet hilarious shits that Chinese who are bad in Mandarin face in S’pore

Last Updated on 2017-12-30 , 4:27 pm

Being a Chinese, people assume that all of us are fluent in mandarin but that’s not true.

Some of us are just not great in it and trying to speak one full sentence in Mandarin is already an accomplishment for us. I mean, we do try to get it right but a weird accent comes out and we’re just like forget it.

So if you’re one of those people, you’ll understand the pain of facing these situations below.

Trying to order food from Hawker Centre
Because knowing the names of all the food in Chinese is literally impossible to you. And let’s face it, no one understands you whenever you try to pronounce any food in Chinese. They’ll end up saying a completely different order and you’re like, ‘huh?’ So you simply stick to pointing to the food that you want.

When people ask you for directions in Chinese
Whenever you hear someone tap you and say, ‘qing wen ni zhi dao….’ Noooooo, please no. You immediately start fumbling for words and your hands start flailing around in an attempt to direct them to their destinations. And once you’re done trying to explain, you look at them and pray that somehow or rather, they miraculously understood you.

When they explain to you things in Chinese
The worst is when someone gives you instructions in Chinese. Your head is screaming all the ‘whats?!’ while outwardly you’re smiling and nodding your head as though you understand. Then you spend the next three hours trying to figure out what exactly was being instructed.

During Chinese New Year when everyone expects you to wish them with profound Cheng Yus
Just no, aside from the ang paos that you can get, Chinese New Year is basically a nightmare for you. And admit it, there are only three to four cheng yus that you’ve googled and memorized by heart for every single Chinese New Year reunion. Such as ‘shen ti jian kang.’ Yup, that’s all you ever need to know.

You can never understand mahjong
Especially when they start saying things like ‘pong’, ‘chi’ and ‘hu’. Your brain takes at least two minutes to comprehend what those mean because in your head, you’ve renamed ‘pong’ to ‘three of a kind’. And mahjong waits for no man.

So if you’re going to play a game, you might as well just give the money because most of the time, winning is never really in your favour.

When people scold you in Chinese
It’s as though they are speaking French because half the time you’re trying to decipher the first sentence they said and when you finally have it figure out, you lost track of everything else that they said.

That goes the same for when people bitch about you in Chinese
Well, it’s a good thing you don’t understand. So all you do is smile and nod your head, and that will probably annoy them even further.

When the person you like is Chinese speaking
She’s gorgeous, kind, hardworking and basically the woman you’ve always dreamed of. One problem: She’s fluent in Chinese. Yup, we feel your pain. And even if you do end up talking to her, you can never get past ‘what’s your name’ in Mandarin.

When your friends end up watching Chinese movies
Throughout the entire movie you’re frowning and wondering what is causing your friends to be laughing so loudly. Your face is constantly in a state of confusion and your friends have given up trying to explain to you what the show is about.

So this is how you handle the situation: Laugh when they laugh, look upset when they are scolding the characters and try to shed a tear or two when they are bawling their eyes out. If not, just close your eyes and sleep till the movie is over.

Karaoke Sessions
You pick out all the English songs and all your friends pick out the Chinese ones. They start singing the Chinese songs together and when the English ones come out, you’re the only one awkwardly singing them by yourself. Even if you try singing the Chinese songs, your incoherent Mandarin will be the laughing stock of all your friends.

Since you’re here, why not watch a video about a guy who lodged a Police report here in Singapore because he was friendzoned? Seriously. Here, watch it and do remember to share it (and also subscribe to Goody Feed YouTube channel)!

This article was first published on goodyfeed.com

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