Need some laughter on your way to work?
Here’s our 10 curated funniest classic Singapore jokes. Enjoy them!
#1 – Romantic Date
After a romantic date, Ah Beng and Ah Lian walked to the bus stop. She saw her bus coming and dashed to catch it, leaving Ah Beng behind. As the bus doors opened, Ah Lian looked back to see Ah Beng desperately miming a steering wheel – he’ll drive her home instead. Ah Lian responded by repeatedly pointing to her boobs and then at her head. She boarded and the bus sped off.
Later that night, Ah Beng angrily called Ah Lian for an explanation: “Why you neber wait?”
Ah Lian replied, “Huh, where got? I already told you ‘neh-mind, neh-mind’ what!”
#2 – Doctor’s Visit
Ah Beng went to see the doctor with 2 red and hurting ears.
Doctor: What happened?
Ah Beng: I was ironing my shirt, then the phone rang. I accidentally picked up the iron instead of my phone. Then kena lah!
Doctor: Wah! OK, but then what about the other ear?
Ah Beng: That stupid fella called back lor!
#3 – Li Bai’s Poem – Army Style (Hokkien)
- Bedfront Lau Bark Sai (Tears drop at bedside)
- Corporal Ka Na Sai (Officer is really bad)
- Kana Guard Duty (Punished for Guard Duty)
- Tong Khaw Sia Lang Chai (Heartache Nobody Knows)
#4 – Visit to McDonalds’
Staff: Good morning Sir, may I have your order please?
Man: Big Mac for me, Cheeseburger for my son, McChicken for my DONKEY wife
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Staff: Big Mac, Cheeseburger and McChicken. Any side orders, Sir?
Man: Lemme see. French fries for me, Chocolate Fudge Sundae for my son, and Apple Pie for my DONKEY wife
Staff: French fries, Chocolate Fudge Sundae and Apple Pie. Any drinks, Sir?
Man: Sure, Coffee for me, Coke for my son and Milkshake for my DONKEY wife
Staff: Coffee, Coke and Milkshake. That’ll be XXX dollars, Sir.
Man: Here you go. Thank you. C’mon son, let’s go to our table. Your DONKEY mother will collect the food.
Staff: Excuse me, Madam. I am sorry to intrude, but why is your husband so rude? He keeps calling you DONKEY, even to your son.
Woman: Hannor! HEE-HAW, so liddat one leh! HEE-HAW, very bad one! HEE-HAW, neh give me face one!
#5 – M18 Movie
Question: Why did Ah Beng force 18 of his friends to watch a movie with him?
Answer: Because M18 regulation say below 18 cannot go in.
#6 – Coke Can
Guy: Can I have a coke can?
Drinks Stall Lady: Can cannot but bottle can
#7 – Mistaken Identity
Mee Kia borrowed money from Char Siew Bao and promised to pay him back in 2 weeks. When the deadline cam, Mee Kia disappeared, so Char Siew Bao rounded up his good brudders, Ling Yong Bao and Tau Sar Bao to find Mee Kia and hantam him jialiat-jialiat. On the hunt, they saw Maggi Goreng strolling along the road.
“Brudders! Whack him!” Char Siew Bao shouted.
As the three Baos give it to Maggi Goreng one kind, Char Siew Bao shouted, “Eh Mee Kia, don’t think you perm your hair I dunno you liao hor!”
#8 – Palm Tree
Question: Why did the palm tree get struck by lightning?
Answer: Because it suay
#9 – Football Dream
Ah Beng visited the doctor with a complaint.
Ah Beng: Loctor, Loctor, every night in my dreams, I play football. Very tired leh.
Doctor: Oh, take this tablet before you sleep. Then will be ok liao.
Ah Beng: Liddat ah? Can take tomorrow night? Tonight is finals leh.
#10 – Parking Fine
Ah Beng came back to his car and found a note sticking on his windscreen saying “Parking Fine”
He wrote a note and stuck it to a pole: “Thanks for the compliment” before driving off.
The “reserved seat” has been abused by people who seek validation in their lives. Agree or disagree?
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