10 real shits I’m sure you won’t miss about NS

Last Updated on 2016-05-19 , 1:53 pm

National Service is a rite of passage for all Singaporean males that, if you put into perspective, is but a small part of our lifetime. However, it moulds all Singaporean guys into a certain type of person and gets us all excited when we talk about it. That said, there are things we probably would look back and laugh about, but will never ever want to do it again. Here’s what they are.

Cookhouse food
Regardless of how much money they say they spend on meals and how much food has improved, most cookhouse food is still comparatively bad because of the various restrictions on nutrition and the scale at which they cook. I’ve barely eaten at the cookhouse even throughout my reservist.

Field camps
Spending the night out camping at East Coast Park is one thing, but camping in the jungle is nowhere near that, especially with all those creepy-crawlies around you. Not to mention…

Field toilets
…the dreaded field toilet. Usually located a good distance away from where everyone is camping, not only is it a trek to get there, but there is no way in hell someone would want to do their business in a hole dug in the ground, enclosed in hemp fabric with huge flies and beetles climbing all over the place having a party in your poop.

Mosquitoes
Ask any guy who’s served NS before, they will all swear that the mosquitoes at Pulau Tekong are invincible. Nothing stops them – except the SAF insect repellent, which is strong enough to melt a Styrofoam cup.

Marching songs
If you thought someone singing out loud in the MRT or while walking along Orchard Road was weird, you should visit an army camp where hordes of stinking soldiers march around singing loudly. That said, don’t be surprised if you catch us humming an army song tune; it’s been ingrained in us already.

Stand by bed
There’s no way anyone in the right mind would miss this, unless you have serious Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. There’s no way anyone in the right mind would arrange their toothbrush, toothpaste, shaver and soap box two fingers away from the edge of their shelf in the cabinet.

Guard duty
The harshest punishment you could probably get without having to get charged, nobody is going to miss guard duty even if you had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Lack of sleep, a whole lot of boredom plus creepy patrols is not something we want to go through again.

Standard Obstacle Course (SOC)
It was even worse in the past because all of us had to pass our SOC; nowadays, there isn’t such a requirement. Regardless, none of us will miss having to run, climb and swing across all sorts of obstacles while strapped down with all sorts of stuff.

Parades
None of us will miss these pointless, time-wasting and wayang-filled parades that punctuate every important event, be it the change of leadership in camp or to commemorate some important day. National Day Parades are cool for sure, but not something that most Singaporeans have no idea of.

Top Image: tristan tan / Shutterstock.com