Relationships are hard.
Before you even embark on a relationship, you have to find someone who actually likes you as much as you like them. This can be a difficult task, one which often involves right-swiping rampages on Tinder and devouring tubs of ice cream while crying.
But then you find ‘the one’, and all your problems seem to melt away as you float on a cloud of contentment.
Your instinct is to hold on to this person for dear life because you don’t think you’ll ever find someone this ‘perfect’.
But what if they’re not actually ‘perfect’? What if your judgement is clouded by your infatuation and the fear of being alone?
Well, that’s why I’m here, dear reader.
If your partner exhibits any of these 10 signs, pack all your things, block them on social media, and GTFO.
1. They lie all the time, even about little things
Any good relationship is built on trust. When that foundation crumbles, so will the entire relationship.
It’s obviously bad when a partner lies to you about their whereabouts or texts they’re receiving, but even small lies can point to a bigger secret, which just creates insecurities and keeps you on the edge.
2. They want to spend too much time with you
Wanting to spend time together may seem like a good thing, but if your partner wants to spend every waking moment with you and gets anxious otherwise, then it may be a sign of insecurity.
They either have low self-esteem and are scared that you’ll leave them, or derive all their happiness from you. Either way, they’re not ready for a relationship and they’ll end up suffocating you as a result (not literally, of course).
Space in a relationship is a great thing. It allows you and your partner to maintain your individuality and grow.
3. They treat others poorly
Your partner might be an angel to you but an absolute ass to other people. You know the ones I’m talking about. They’re super sweet to their significant other but they also abuse waiters or even friends for no reason.
This cruel person may treat you nicely in the beginning, but once they show their true colours, you might be too attached to leave.
4. They keep talking about their past relationships
It’s normal for partners to talk about their past relationships because we learn what our partners have been through and how they’ve grown as a result.
But if your partner can’t stop talking about their exes, and especially the things they used to do in bed, then they clearly have no respect for you.
And if they keep mentioning a particular ex over and over again, that could be a sign that they’ve not been able to move on yet.
5. They want to move too fast
When I was younger, I took it as a compliment when one of my exes wanted me to be her boyfriend on the first date and said I love you on the second. But I later learned that she and I rushed because we were lonely and wanted to have the security of a relationship as quickly as possible.
The problem with rushing is that we start idolizing our partners before we truly get to know them and determine if we’re compatible.
So, if your partner wants you to meet their parents after two dates, or talks about marriage after five, then you should run far, far away, preferably to a distant galaxy.
6. They don’t introduce you to their friends or family
Some partners may want to delay the whole meeting the parents thing which is understandable because it’s a big step.
But if you’ve been dating for 12 years and you’ve never met your partner’s family or friends, then alarm bells should be going off in your head.
You could be a side-piece, or worse, they could be embarrassed by you.
7. They never compromise
If you find yourself always giving in to your partner because they never compromise, that’s a giant crimson flag.
Every relationship should be equal, so if one partner never compromises, that means the other will have to sacrifice a lot of their wants and desires to maintain the relationship.
And you don’t want to spend the rest of your life doing that, do you?
8. They’re constantly testing your boundaries
When a partner constantly tests your boundaries, it means that they have no respect for you and only care about their own selfish desires. Here’s a list of examples, provided by Lisa Aronson Fontes, a psychologist.
- You have said you do not want to go further sexually and they insist.
- You say you are not available on Sunday, but they push you to see them.
- You are not ready to have them meet your family members or friends, but they push you.
- They push you to date exclusively before you are ready.
- They want to move in or get married or set up a bank account before you do.
- They try to change the way you wear your hair or your clothes or anything else about you that feels like ‘you,’ and it makes you uncomfortable.
Basically, if they’re forcing or pressuring you to do something you’re uncomfortable with, run.
9. They don’t communicate
This is a big one. It’s impossible for any couple not to have differences and argue. But what’s important is the way in which you handle these differences.
If your partner shuts down and acts passive-aggressively instead of talking things through like a mature adult, that’s a red flag.
Disagreements are part of any healthy relationship. As Erika Ettin, a dating coach, says,
“In a good relationship, a couple can and will talk through issues, listening to the other person’s point of view and expressing his or her own. No one needs to win or lose. It’s about expressing how something makes you feel and being heard. Communication is key.”
10. They always criticise or dismiss you
This should go without saying, but if your partner constantly criticises, insults, or degrades you, this means that they take pleasure in belittling you and are not considerate of your feelings.
If you’re constantly giving in to “keep the peace“, then you’re never going to be happy; you’ll always feel small and worthless.
Find a partner who makes you feel great about yourself instead.
So, there you have it. Now, for certain red flags like not compromising or communicating, you could try talking to your partner about it and if they manage to change, then the relationship may be salvageable.
Otherwise, it might be time to say bye Felicia to your partner, because nothing is more important than your happiness.