Last Updated on 2022-11-07 , 3:59 pm
Lemme tell you something first. The “friendzone” doesn’t exist. Thinking that way implies that the only reason you’re trying to get close to a girl is to get in her pants. The fact that you see gaining an actual friend as a failure labels you as a creep.
However, it is pretty difficult to not think about the friendzone in the beginning. I’ve been there before, and I’m sure you have/already have/will have. It’s pretty normal.
Let me describe roughly how the progression of thoughts go, so you could maybe see how far you are along, and how close you are to final transcendence (also known as dying alone).
1. Alamak Kena Friendzoned
The first time. The virgin experience, where you remain one instead of stop being one. The girl was cute, funny, nice, maybe even hot, the first time you laid eyes on her. So you tried being friends first. That’s how it’s supposed to work, right?
HAHA, joke’s on you. You do that, you get nothing more than a friend, as you’ve found out the hard way.
2. ALAMAK Friendzoned AGAIN
Oohhh, maybe this one then? You think to yourself. This time, you think you’ve learnt from your mistakes, so you try to speed up the process, before the “friend” label sticks. Soon after you got to know each other, you popped the question.
Why Bird Paradise Suddenly Became Singapore’s Yishun:
“Ai stead mai?”
Whoops. Misfire again. The dreaded “I only see you as a friend”.
3. F— BESTfriendzone??
Did you ever hear the tragedy of The Best Friend? I thought not. It’s not a story the attached would tell you. It’s a Friendzone legend. The Best Friend was a friendzoned dude, so nice and so friendly he could use his personality to influence girls to be friends… He had such a knowledge of the friendzone that he could even keep the friends he cared about from falling into it.
The Friendzone is a pathway to many relationships some consider to be unnatural. He became so close to a girl… the only thing he was afraid of was getting too close, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his buddy everything he knew, then his buddy slept with that girl. Ironic. He could save others from being friendzoned, but not himself.
4. B… brother?
At this point, you’re probably close to being desperate. You feel like you’ve tried everything by now, but you’re not willing to give up just yet. So you go at it again, this time trying your best to even befriend her family.
Boom. Even though the intended effect was to eventually become part of her family, you just managed to do it the wrong way. Congratulations, she now considers you a brother she never had.
Ok this is just going too far. What the hell were you thinking? Did you seriously think this would work? So you tried to behave like a parental figure, and even went so far as to watch her actual father? You need to stop. You need help.
On the bright side, she hasn’t called you out on your creepy ways yet. She’s getting a little confused, actually, considering that you’re behaving so much like her dad. Confused, and a little suspicious.
6. Maybe Next Time
Yes, if you’re talking about making friends with more people, and no, if you’re talking about trying the above again. You’re lucky she doesn’t have actual father issues, or you’ll be in so much shit. Next time, try not to be such a creep, and just be a normal, decent human being.
That should work better.
7. Maybe I can change her mind
You keep ending up in the friendzone. A few girls even told you they really want a boyfriend just like you. You’re in too deep, and can’t get out. Suddenly, you have a new idea.
What if you kept trying to change her mind? Woo her, even through the friendzone?
Alas, it was never meant to be, as you get rejected repeatedly, the bitter taste of failure familiar in your mouth like the taste of your tongue.
8. Maybe I’ll Die Alone
Maybe you will. Maybe you’ll actually die alone. Maybe no girl will ever see you that way, and you’ll die a lonely old man with way too many female friends (not girl-friends, you/they insist). Your other friends keep telling you about their friends they think will definitely hook up with you this time, but surprise, they’re already your friends.
What is there to do but despair?
9. Maybe I’m Actually Gay
You don’t want to die alone. Nah. Even though you’ve all but given up hope on the fairer sex, you’re unwilling to just go gentle into that good night, with nary a body beside yours. Your loneliness-fatigued, warped mind suddenly realises something.
There is a whole other bunch of people you’re ignoring. The guys. What if you’re actually gay, but you just never realised?
10. The Friendzone Doesn’t Exist
Haha no. You’re heterosexual, like you’ve always suspected/known. You’ve had some time to ponder, and you have way too many female friends to share your thoughts with. They’ve helped you understand your situation better now.
You’ve had a revelation.
The friendzone never existed. You’re just irrationally disappointed by your rejections, inflating them somehow to the conclusion that “you’ve been so nice to them, they somehow owe you the chance at a relationship”.
No. That is a highly misogynistic way of looking at things, and you know better now. It is far better to improve yourself constantly, learn to love and live with yourself, and not desperately try to get into girls’ pants.
After all, a healthy romantic relationship should be built on healthy communication, and mutual respect.
Congratulations, you’ve broken through all the stereotypes and unhealthy thoughts with a smash.
Featured Image: Aekotography / Shutterstock.com
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