Yeahh! Parties!
A chance for us to let loose, forget about all the worries in the world and just have fun!
To me, one of the best things about parties would have to be the people you meet there. Well, second only to food, of course.
However, there are always the bad eggs, like the ones that make your eyeballs roll up the back of their sockets.
And let’s not even talk about the ones who induced aliens into grinding to a halt near Earth’s stratosphere, do a fast and furious drift, U-turn back to Uranus and scream, “I would rather die with the planet than live in this barbaric planet!” while at it.
Wa, buay tahan sia.
Without further ado, we present to you…
The 10 types of people we all buay tahan during parties.
1) The early birds
Contrary to popular belief, the early birds don’t always get the worm. You may want to argue that it’s “better early than late”, but let me tell you this:
Never be too early for a freaking party!
Hey, you try arriving two hours early for a party and see for yourself lah. I’m sure the host is still busy frying onion rings or something.
That is, unless you’re planning to help the host with the setup. In that case, feel free to arrive at 5:00 a.m. in the morning. As a host, I will welcome you with open arms.
I’ll also thank you with a nice back rub afterwards. That’s how thankful I’ll be. Muacks.
2) The one who invites everyone. And by everyone I mean everyone.
That moment when (as a host) you’ve prepared enough food for 50 pax, and 70 people showed up instead.
Shell-shocked, you realize it’s Miss Jane Doe with her entire extended family: her sister, brother, aunty, granduncle, neighbor, and the neighborhood cat.
Like really, who the hell are all these people?
And… Oh. My. God. There goes the food.
Hello sister, please leave that for Chinese New Year lah. This is a party can? I am not in the mood to deal with people I don’t even know.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m happy to meet new people. However, it’s just rude to invite so many people without the host’s consent, you know?
If I wanted to meet new people I would have advertised as such in my invitation cards. THANKS.
3) The “everything-also-cannot-eat” person
It’s just super weird when everyone is enjoying a delicious chicken wing and you’re just sitting there, watching us devour chicken. (You don’t know what you’re missing out!)
(See liao also hungry right)
If you’re a vegetarian and we somehow forgot to prepare vegetarian food… well, no doubt it’s our fault. In that case we will gladly kneel on the floor and ask for your forgiveness.
But then you come tell me you’re on a diet.
Come, I clap for you.
Eh, hello! Whatever happened to letting loose and having fun?
More people should really have this as their life motto (It’s mine, btw).
Food today, diet tomorrow!
(By the way, tomorrow never comes. Because food is more important.)
And I’m sure the person will end up eating anyway. After all…
Who can resist pizzas, amiright?
4) The come-just-to-show-face person
Now you see me, now you don’t.
Okay, I’m actually guilty of this. You know; there are days when you’re just so lazy you just don’t wanna leave the bed.
So armed with nothing but a T-shirt and a pair of berms (underwear excluded), I dragged my feet to the party.
I basically just said hi to everyone, grabbed a cup of fruit punch (I think), and hauled my ass back home.
50 minutes. That’s gotta be a record. Think it’s time to call up Guinness for a talk.
Anyway, please don’t do this to the host ah. It’s really rude. Good thing the host is a good friend of mine and he knows how lazy I can be at times.
5) The Selfie King/Queen
Look, I know the pizza looks amazing, but can you move out of the way so that the rest of us can eat?
C’mon; I’m pretty sure your 30,000 followers won’t starve to death if you forget to post a selfie for that day.
But if you don’t move your butt soon, I’ll make sure you die a horrible death. And you don’t want that, do you?
After all, nothing shall stand between my bottomless pit and delicious pizzas.
(Not even two narcissistic fellows I’m just itching to strangle)
And don’t even get me started on the toilet. These influencers, selfie experts, I mean, go to the toilet so many times you wonder whether they went for the party or the toilet.
6) The person who comes for the free food
I’ll admit that I go to parties mainly for the food. But hey, that’s actually acceptable, right? Ain’t nothin’ wrong with gorging myself on chicken wings and nuggets!
So, let me be more specific.
The person who also dabao (takeaway) the food because it’s free!
Now, this is like some kind of taboo for parties.
Allow me to take a quick look at the commandments for parties.
Alright, found it.
Goody Commandment 3: Eat as much as you would like to, but leave those plastic containers at home.
Unless the host specifically tells you to bring some food home la. In that case, please think about all of us who are still at the party.
(Hey! Leave the fresh boxes of pizza alone!)
Arrest that guy!
7) The host who plans everything in advance
We’ve been ranting a lot about party-goers, so let’s take a look at the hosts instead.
A party is supposed to be fun and games, but there are some people out there who are just, well, not fit for the role.
Just so you know, planning in advance is a good thing. You ensure that there’s enough food and drinks for everyone at the party, and that there are games for everyone to play.
But then, there are those who over-plan and are simply… too strict.
Heck, I once received a call from the host because I was 15 minutes late to a party! (It’s not my fault that the MRT was delayed, you know. Blame the train company okay?)
And the last time I checked, I was going to a nice little party.
Not freaking school.
Who are you, my Chinese language teacher?
8) The one with “imaginary” friends
A party, no matter the context (unless it’s one for you, yourself and you), usually involves some form of socializing.
So imagine your surprise when you see this guy lugging several body pillows and calling them his ‘buds’.
Which would have still been tolerable (to a certain extent), had he not kidnapped a few boxes of food and retreated to a dark, lonely corner.
I don’t care whether your imaginary friends are called Tom, Dick, Harry or Zlatan.
You take our food and sit alone with your imaginary friends?
It’s war, biatch.
9) That one guy who is always too loud and physical
Yeah, I’m talking about the kind that goes around hugging everyone and screaming like a fool at parties.
If you really need me to explain why these people are #buaytahan, then you obviously haven’t been to enough parties yet.
Or… you could be that person.
If so, please for the love of Pizzas…
Stop it.
10) The empty-handed guy
Since Christmas is coming up (and it’s probably the next party you’ll be attending), allow me to talk about the worst type on this list:
The guy that comes without a present, a.k.a the “my presence is the present” guy.
Eh brother, it’s called a Christmas Party for a reason. At least bring a box of chocolates or something lah.
Nevertheless, towards the end of the party, the host will most likely feel bad and give the fella a gift anyway.
What a cheapskate. He could’ve at least ordered delivery for us, like the Knotty Cheesy Pizzas from Pizza Hut!
Now, if you’re going to organize a party soon, here’s a tip for you: Pizza Hut has just launched a naughty pizza, and it’s so naughty that Ah Lian’s atas future boyfriend ordered it for…
…oh, wait, sorry. It’s called Knotty Cheesy Pizza. Ps my England not as goody as Ah Lian la.
Other than the fact that even Singapore’s most beloved Ah Lian went to try it, the Knotty Cheesy Pizza, which comes in BBQ or Hawaiian, has golden knots filled with cheese for its crust, making it the ideal menu for the Selfie Queen / King.
I mean, c’mon; there’s simply nothing better than pizza crust just overflowing with rich and luscious cheese!
Incidentally, the Knotty Cheesy Pizza is available for both dine-in and delivery at pizzahut.com.sg.
Let’s get Knotty
This festive season, we wish you’ll have a naughty – sorry, I mean, have a knotty Christmas!
(Pretty sure it’ll be dabao-ed away, but it’s okay; just order more because you’ve just got your bonus)
By the way…
Michelle Chong, if you’re reading this…
Can you tell us whether Harvey came?
And if he didn’t, I just want you to know…
I definitely don’t mind getting knotty with you. 😉
This article was first published on goodyfeed.com and is written in collaboration with Pizza Hut Singapore.
