8 Real Consequences of Using a Phone in The Toilet

Image: yangtak / Shutterstock.com

Did you know? 99.9% of the worldwide population use their phones in the toilet. And I’m not even kidding. – Mr Kidding

Alright I kind of made that up (in case you didn’t get it the first time), but you’ll be surprised at the actual figures: according to a study by Sony, a whopping 75% of Americans admitted to using their phones on the toilet. That’s three-quarters of the population playing games to the beats of their own poop. What?

Indeed, we’ve grown so accustomed to carrying our little tech devices everywhere we go, that we’ve even started exposing them to the damn lavatories.

Of course, we won’t mind if you use our app in the toilet. Our app is toilet-friendly, has app-exclusive contents that you can’t find in our Facebook and website and most importantly, it makes you smarter and more well-informed through entertainment 😉

Download it here (no worries if there’s no WiFi as you’re reading this in the toilet; the app is very small: in fact smaller than this website).

And while that’s cool and all, seeing how taking a shit’s just not the same without some Angry Birds action, there are actually some consequences that stem as a result.

And honestly? Not all of them are beneficial to you, your phone or everything in general.

So without further ado, let’s go through the 8 consequences of using your phone in the toilet that you might not be aware of. Although you can still turn back at this point, because honestly…

It might just turn you off toilet gaming once and for all.

And use our app instead.

1. Bacteria alert

Think your phone’s well-protected from bacteria?

Think again.

Peter Tay meets a Genie who helps him wipe off three of his past mistakes. You won’t have expected what he wished for for his third wish. Watch it here:

During the time your phone’s in the midst of the lavatory, it’s actually accumulating all the bacteria it can get.

“There are water and air particles that harbour in the little creases of the phone”, GP Dr Anchita Karmakar told SBS. “And phone covers and cases are usually made out of rubber, which is a warm and comfortable harbouring ground for bacteria.”

“Then we give our kids the phone, and they’re getting that bacteria transmitted to them as well,” she adds. “Parents often wonder where their children got an illness or infection. It could be from a variety of places and could actually be from your phone.”

In elaboration, WedMD expressed that the bacteria includes salmonella, shigella and campylobacter, all of which can make you a very sick individual (and I didn’t mean that in the twisted mind kind of way). Also, you’re in danger of spreading viruses like gastro and staph, which can all too easily transmit from solid objects like your phone.

Dr Karmakar also had something to add:

‘Even if you’re not using your phone on the toilet, you’re still holding it while you’re going in and out of the bathroom, and that’s enough to put bacteria on the phone when you haven’t yet washed your hands,’ she explained.

So the end call? She advises people not take their phones to the toilet, especially public ones. Which is totally ludicrous, considering the next point.

2. Productivity

Whether it’s taking an important call from your boss, making your own important phone call or even browsing the stock market, there’s no better time to do it than when taking a shit.

I mean, just think about it: other than actively trying to force the poop out, you’re just staring at the door, thinking about what to get for lunch. And in business terms, that’s precious time wasted.

With a phone, you can continue getting things done, and not have to rush through things once you’re back from flushing the toilet. While you might argue that people normally take a shit once per day, you’ve got to think about the ones who are literally full of shit.

That’s pretty much an hour of their office day gone just from shitting, and I haven’t even included their lunch break.

But of course, this might lead to the next point.

3. Dead Legs

Smartphones might be pretty productive but they could also distract you from your shitting responsibilities so much that you end up sitting longer than you really have to.

And the end result? These.

Image: Imgur

Not the most attractive of spots to show to your date partner in the middle of the night by any chance, but that’s not even the worst thing. Just wait till you try standing up.

Image: Imgur

Goddamn legs, I trusted you.

But it seems that numb, awkward legs with a hint of red still aren’t the worst.

4. Hemorrhoids and other toilet-related ailments

That’s right, I just broke out the H-word. And it’s true.

As expressed earlier on, using your smartphone while taking a dump entices you to take longer than necessary, and that could just lead to unwanted boils in your rectum area.

“When you stay on the toilet for upwards of 20, 30, 40 minutes, you’re putting unnecessary pressure on the rectum, [which] can cause hemorrhoids, and definitely make any pre-existing hemorrhoids way worse,” said Dr. Partha Nandi, the creator and host of the gastro-centric show, Ask Dr. Nandi.

Gastrointestinal issues also take a hit too.

“By prolonging this pressure on the rectum, you can exacerbate gastrointestinal issues, and a problem that is moderate, like going too much or too little, can become very severe.”

So what’s the recommended period of toilet time?

“Really, you want to get in and get out as quickly as possible,” Dr Nandi said. “When you just sit there after you’re done, being sucked into your phone, that becomes a problem.”

5. Watch your hips

Rectum issues aside, it seems that your lovely hips aren’t spared either.

See, sitting on the toilet isn’t exactly the healthiest position dictated in Kamasutra, and that’s assuming you sit with your back straight and all. So if that’s bad, you can just imagine the horrors those with their face to their knees face.

As such, Dr Nandi expressed that the awkward and uncomfortable position of sitting on the toilet can actually worsen nerve and hip problems. And if you’re already having difficulty with those areas as it is, I doubt you will want to continue your toilet exploits for much longer.

(Of course, squatting would be the ideal position to shit (seeing how it’s effectively a gym workout while you superset your rectum muscles), but that’s really reserved for the gym rats and OCD personnel. Alternatively, you may choose to sit like this.

Image: Wikipedia

Though I wouldn’t really advise so. But hey, seeing how I consume chicken breast with wholemeal bread for breakfast… who am I to judge?

6. Deproved mental clarity

I bet you’re wondering: “Now wait just a darn minute. How does using a smartphone in the toilet equate to the loss of brain cells? How does that even work?”

In answer, it’s not so much of the loss of brain cells. It’s more of your mental clarity, and the decrease in the old creativity.

“The bathroom used to be a place free of distraction and technology,” said Dr. Roberts. “It’s not like that anymore. And it’s certainly not great for our mental clarity.”

Author and productivity coach Peter Bregman echoed the same sentiments. “If you never let your brain relax and wander, you’ll never solve the deeper, stickier creative problems that are ultimately more important than responding to an email within five minutes. These moments of boredom that we are increasingly losing help our brains explore the recesses of our thoughts, and this is where almost all of our best and most creative ideas come from.”

What do you know, taking a break could actually benefit the mind!

Time to relay that to your respective bosses, people.

7. Reliance on your phone

And the last thing you really want to happen?

Not being able to shit without your phone.

Confused? Let me just quote an example.

Growing up, we’ve been taught that we should dine with spoon, knife and fork. It’s the correct method, they said. Which is kind of true, but that’s not the point. The point’s that we have been taught to rely on our spoon, knife and fork when we eat, when at the very start, our ancestors didn’t have such apparel to dine with.

End result? Remove our spoon, knife and fork and all of a sudden we’re lost. Eating has always been a breeze, but removing them made it seem all the more harder when in actuality, it’s still the same.

It’s the same thing for shitting. Where you used to shit your poop out with the pure force of mental strength, you now rely on your smartphone for stimulus. And that’s a huge no-no. What happens if you lose your phone? What happens if you’ve to go without a phone for days? Are you going to be constipated? Are you going to stay constipated?

It’s really up to you, although I really wouldn’t advise your smartphone having to be your shitting stimuli.

It’s a pretty shitty job after all.

8. And last but not least

You have to constantly deal with the fear of your phone dropping into the phone, and trust me when I say that it’s stress for your mind.

Just imagine sitting with your legs slightly further apart than usual, and typing a particularly intense message on your phone. Just as you’re about to finish, you sneeze and the next thing you know..

Image: Youtube

Worst. Day. Ever.

So should you continue using your phone in the toilet?

Seeing how the positives outweigh the cons by a solid -7, I dare say that you should probably consider ceasing your toilet smartphone activities.

But seeing how old habits die hard…

Just continue using and hope for the best la hor.