An Instagrammer is Rating Public Toilets All Over S’pore & The Best-est is in 111 Somerset

Image: Instagram / Air Elegant / Shutterstock.com

I honestly have a fear of public toilets.

While there are terms like Paruresis and Parchopresis, which are respectively defined as “a type of phobia in which the sufferer is unable to urinate in the real or imaginary presence of others, such as in a public restroom” and “the inability to defecate without a certain level of privacy”, my fear stems purely from the all-too-obvious fact that public toilets are downright dirty as hell.

The obvious would have been to Google a few pictures to have them illustrated here.

But that would be inappropriate seeing as to how the next meal time is just around the corner.

So a checklist should suffice.

  1. Leftover faeces in bowl
  2. Faeces splattered on the seat
  3. Faeces spread on the wall
  4. Pee stain on the sides of the bowl
  5. Rinse and repeat
  6. Spit on floor
  7. Rinse and repeat
  8. My boss in the toilet
  9. Rinse and repeat
  10. The list goes on…

And you get my point.

Image: Time Magazine

Thankfully though, a local hero has taken it upon herself to rate public toilets in Singapore, potentially saving us, me, from a fainting spell at the next available cubicle.

The_ultimate_toilet_rater

An Instagram account has been started in Singapore dedicated to rating public toilets locally.

Image: Instagram

The account appears to have been dishing the dirt on public toilets since 5 Jan 2019, and has since amassed 21 posts so far.

Among the sampled lavatories are ones at Raffles City, Suntec City and Marina Bay Sands.

Here are some of the notable ones.

The First Love (or Hate)

Location: SMRT

When: 2016

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How Shitty: NA

Apparently a throwback post from 2016. While it’s not clear where it was at, it’s apparently an “SMRT toilet” which would have meant that it could have been at an MRT station or the SMRT HQ itself.

The toilet seat appears broken, like most of SMRT’s track, trains and services

Image: Instagram/ the_ultimate_toilet_rate

Did Thanos just use that? Oh, Thanos is a guy ah.

(Un)biased Review

Location: Unnamed Local University @ Level 9

When: May 6 2019

How Shitty: 6/10, 4/10

Taken at the account owner’s local university (she told Mothership she was a student at one), the toilet was given a 6/10 objectively, but was subsequently reduced to a 4/10 for “misery”.

Quite what “misery” meant is up for guesses.

Image: Instagram/ the_ultimate_toilet_rate

But at least got many toilet paper.

Ploop, Tooms, SSshhhh

Location: Tanjong Pagar MRT Station

When: January 18 2019

How Shitty: Not bad at all, 8/10

Apparently soundproof.

Important aspect as it’s in the CBD where important, working people don’t have time to poop, eat or sleep.

Image: Instagram/ the_ultimate_toilet_rate

Overachiever

Location: Jewel Changi Airpot

When: April 14 2019

How Shitty: Not at all, 11/10

It “smells like Hong Kong” and is “clean like Japan”, what more can you ask of a toilet?

Wait a minute, what does Hong Kong smell like?

Dim Sum?

Image: Instagram/ the_ultimate_toilet_rate

But look at the lighting. Perfect for other stuff, too.

Singapore’s Super(Toilet)Bowl

Where: 111 Somerset

When: April 29 2019

How Shitty: The endgame of all toilets. 20/10

Rater professes “ilu”, could be either i licked you because it was so clean or just i love you.

Swanky and spanking-clean with marbled walls to boot.

Even Mas Selamat would have wanted to spend a lifetime here.

Image: Instagram/ the_ultimate_toilet_rate

Thank you, Rater, for all the dirty work put in.

And for those of you in the area and wondering which toilet is safe to go to, you can check the account out.

Granted, there are only 21 posts so far, but hey, as the saying goes, “Even the busiest person has to go to a toilet several times a day. 

So chances are, you’ll start seeing a lot of these bowls sooner or later. #ShitPost indeed.

Who said Instagram was nothing but a waste of time, ma?

But can someone rate the male public toilets?