At the risk of alienating every single Goody Feed reader out there, I’m just gonna come out and say this:
I’ve no idea why Hello Kitty’s so popular amongst Singaporeans.
I mean; just look at it! How is it even adorable in the slightest sense-
Aunt Matilda: You uncultured punk, stf*
Aunt Matilda! How could it be? A woman as disgusting as you actually love Hello-
Right, so here’s Aunt Matilda taking over this Don’t Say Bojio article because the writer has rather unfortunately passed away in the middle of writing.
But hey don’t grieve just yet, because Aunt Matilda is here to help complete the article on his behalf. Poor boy.
Editor: Isn’t he like right there though-
And so without further ado, be grateful you uncultured swine, because…
EZ-Link has launched sickeningly adorable Hello Kitty cards for all you animalistic ****s.
Aww isn’t she just cuteeeeeeeeee?
Boonz: You kinda went out of character there, didn’t you?
Don’t Say Bojio ah you undeserving brats; EZ-Link Launching Cute-Die-You Hello Kitty Series With A New Toxic Design Each Week
Right, listen up. Sanrio’s Hello Kitty 45th Anniversary is here, and the celebrations have begun. And in order to highlight this obviously-prestigious event, EZ-Link has introduced three new Hello Kitty designs because they wanna use the opportunity to make some big money.
Smart businessmen, those EZ-Link peeps.
The cards will be rather conveniently located at all Buzz outlets at $10 each (with no load value), and designs will be released each week on 6, 13 and 20 June 2019.
Staggered release? Their marketers have obviously learnt from the brilliance of Aunt Matilda here.
Now I bet you’re just dying to ask me:
“Oh, great Aunt Matilda! Seeing how Hello Kitty has been so popular, is it even plausible to get a card before stocks run out?”
But hey, don’t weep; that’s definitely a valid question. And guess what? I’ve bombastic news for you. Because there are so many assholes out there who just want to make a quick buck off others’ suffering, it seems that EZ-Link has imposed a strict rule this time around:
Each customer is limited to 5 pieces per transaction (except Aunt Matilda because she’s so chio)
So calm your ***s, it’ll be all chill, and you’ll probably get your Kitty card unless I choose to wipe out the store you’re buying from.
But hey I’m nice, so don’t worry.
If there’s one thing the now-deceased Zhi Hao actually got right, it’s that Hello Kitty is crazily popular, even until now. Doubtful? Just check out my rising fist, chey, I mean the statistics over on EZ-Link’s Facebook page.
And just check out what those blabbermouth Netizens are saying:
Though for your sake I do wish they’ll shut up for just a min.
If news gets any more viral I’m going to have to burn shops down to get what we want.
J: I.. err… think… like it’s just my honest opinion… erm… that’s kind of a criminal act though-
And so… what’re you waiting for?
Considering how the first design has already been released (6 June), you would do well to get it as soon as possible. Why?
Because you don’t want to cry like my poor husband when you find out that there’re no stocks left.
So note down the location:
All Buzz outlets.
And get going already, all you uncultured swine.
Signing off, Aunt Matilda The Brilliant.
This Goody Feed article was published under the
forceful insistence watchful eye of the hideous great Aunt Matilda.
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