For the last two days, residents have reported hearing strange high-pitched wails across the country.
Some speculated that a flock of hummingbirds have migrated to Singapore from Brazil, but we later learned that it was actually the cries of gym bros all over Singapore.
See, as part of our country’s new COVID-19 measures, only low-intensity physical activities will be allowed to continue at indoor gyms. And this doesn’t include weight training.
Gym Bro: But bench pressing 200 kg is low-intensity for me.
Well, good for you! You still won’t be allowed to do it.
Gym Bro: *Cries while cradling own muscles*
I do have some good news for you, however. There’s another lawful way to get both that muscle and money gains at the same time: handling durians.
S’pore Durian Stall Offers Up to $3,500 a Month As Durian Assistant to “Build Biceps” As Gyms Are Closed
Singapore’s kookiest durian store is offering job seekers up to $3,500 a month and the chance to make insane muscle gains outside the gym.
A day after the gahmen tightened COVID-19 restrictions amidst rising infections, 99 Old Trees Durian shared this amusing job ad on its Facebook page:
“Don’t let those muscles melt away,” they said in their post.
It turns out that they also shared a similar post in April, featuring the exact same buff bro, before the new restrictions were announced:
It offered job seekers the chance to “earn serious cash, learn a real skill, and burn excess calories”.
Sounds like a pretty good deal to me.
In the picture, a rather swole guy is lifting what appears to be a big basket of cut up durians. His biceps are big enough to make Chris Evans feel insecure, so you know all those hours lifting durians are paying off.
If you’re enticed by the offer but worried about being a noobwhen it comes to durian handling, fret not, because they love working with noobs!
Check out their Facebook page, which proclaims their love for noobs even more than their love for swole men.
“We’re Recruiting Noobs”
In a continous string of other Facebook posts, the durian store said it was “recruiting noobs” and that no experience is required.
“In fact, we love working with Noobs,” the store claimed.
In their most recent (as of the time of writing) job ad posted on 11 May, 99 Old Trees Durian said they was looking for handlers to work from June to August, with a starting pay of $11 an hour. This pay will increase as you get more skilled and experienced in the art of durian handling.
There’s also a sign-up bonus of $500, and the store claims that job seekers will be able to earn up to $3,500 a month.
So, if you want to get some gains, you know what to do. Trust me, it doesn’t look like anyone’s going to question if you even lift, bro.
Feature Image: Facebook (99 Old Trees Durian)
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