(Disclaimer: The fact that this is a parody should be obvious…but the creatures really do appear. In Yishun.)
BREAKING NEWS: Reports have emerged from the northern land of the lawless, the infamous Yishun town, of giant mysterious creatures appearing seemingly from nowhere.
We have sent our bravest journalist, Kuah Mong Stah deep into the belly of the beast (Yishun, not the monsters) to investigate. We had last heard from him 3 days ago, and he has never contacted us since. Those familiar with the area, we appreciate any news of our missing man.
From his investigations in the past week, it seems these monsters have taken refuge on the largest trees of the region, lying largely motionless. Each of these creatures are massive when compared to their more benign counterparts in the rest of the country, growing to lengths up to 10 times bigger.
The toxic green wriggly things are speculated to be related to the common “caterpillar”, themselves a scourge on peaceful farmlands and plant life everywhere else. However, caterpillars are typically tiny, around 2cm in length.
These creatures discovered in Yishun grow up to 10cm in length, dwarfing the ordinary pests. They also appear rather thick, and the estimated girth is about 2cm, or the size of two of your fingers together.
Preliminary research suggests the current form may only be youngsters. We shudder to imagine what would the adult form look like.
Below, we have the transcript from the last known message from our brave journalist, Mr. Kuah. Warning: the below transcript may be traumatising to more sensitive people.
“I’ve just arrived at the location known as 366 Yishun Ring Road, where the beasts were last sighted.
[leaves rustling]
“I have my camera with me, and I’m currently moving slowly towards the tree that the creatures are supposedly resting on. We have to be as quiet as possible.
[loud twig snapping sounds]
“Oh shit! I hope they didn’t hear me. (Mr Kuah seems to have stopped moving for a few minutes here) Alright, everything seems fine, I’m continuing my investigation.
[tree branch creaking sounds]
“Ok… I’m pointing my camera at the tree, and slowly circling it. I don’t see them. They must be on the other side of the tree.
[more leaves rustling]
“There they are! Jesus, they’re massive!
“Oh crap I think they saw me. I gotta run!”
[loud rustling noises, and heavy panting from Mr. Kuah as he runs]
Anyone who has seen Mr Kuah or have any clues, please contact us as soon as possible.
As Mr Kuah’s investigation was inconclusive, we have interviewed some of the Yishun residents who occasionally visit the more peaceful world we live in.
According to a grizzled 40-year-old man, these monsters were, in fact, caterpillars. Very shocking news indeed. It also seems local residents are completely unfazed when asked about the creatures. There must be freakier things going on there than we know.
Stay tuned for our upcoming exposé on humongous moth-like creatures in the area. Rumours suggest they can reach the size of a normal human’s entire head.
(We also want to show our readers that anything happening in Yishun, like caterpillars on trees, will be newsworthy. Because slow new day.)
Since you’re here, why not check out Goody Feed’s YouTube videos as well? They’re so Singaporean, I bet you’ll like them!
Featured Image: mothership.sg
This article was first published on goodyfeed.com
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