Mum Shares About Her Shitty Day Dealing With Her Daughter’s Poop Disaster

Oftentimes, newlyweds tend to have one glaring misconception:

It’s gonna be so fun when we have children!

Omg they’re so cute I just wanna squish their cheeks.

Children are the heavens’ gift to us lowly mortals! Hallelujah!

And yet, just as movies differ significantly from reality, having children isn’t quite all fun and games as newlyweds tend to think.

Not even close.

So on one hand, children can get hyperactive. Real hyperactive. That gym session you’ve been craving all week? Skip it, because you’re gonna have your hands full just keeping an eye on your child.

And on the other hand, they’re pretty expensive to maintain too. Thought a girlfriend’s expensive enough? Think again.

And last but definitely not least, children aren’t exactly 100% anti-bacterial wipes. Nuh-uh. For as this topic headline insinuates…

They could get real dirty. Poop-worthy dirty.

Mum Shares About Her Shitty Day Dealing With Her Daughter’s Poop Disaster

Thought you’re having a shitty day? Well, check this mum’s one out.

On 1 October 2019, Facebook user Brittany Nichole Berry posted an entire thesis-worthy essay on the social media platform, in which she detailed her trip to the park with her two kids and how it was, generally speaking, a rather shitty day.

For those who can’t access it, here’s a transcript of what went down.

Note: It gets pretty lengthy, but it hits my word count. Nice.

Transcript:

“I’ve debated on sharing this, just because it’s so embarrassing and I failed as a mother on so many different levels. But….. I think it needs to be said, if only to serve as birth control for the younger generation. Fair warning…. TMI AND POOP! 😂

Today after I picked up Sadie from school we went to the flood wall so I could run and they could play at the park afterwards.

After my run, I’m sitting at the picnic table, exhausted, drenched in sweat, watching my babies play, vowing to join them as soon as I rest up. At one point Sadie goes down the slide and then walks in front of me and I see “wet” shorts. I think, “okay she’s peed out of her diaper, no big deal.”

I go get her to change her and the closer I get the the more clearly I smell that it’s not pee. Still, not a big deal, what’s a poopy diaper? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Then I start to change her and I realize it’s a poop-trophe. 😳 I’m talking on of them poops you usually see in a newborn, where it’s all up then back and down their legs and you contemplate just throwing the whole baby away. 😬

Still…. I’m not panicked…. been there, done that, multiple times. 😏

I get a diaper and wipes, the wipes feel light… 😬 I start cleaning her up and there’s only FOUR wipes. This isn’t a four wipe kind of poop it’s pressure washer or open fire hydrant kind of poop. So I start looking for more wipes in the van. At this point, Sadie’s just standing there naked in an empty (thank God) the parking lot, with poop up her back in her hair, down her legs to her knees, even on her shoes, because taking her clothes off did not go as smoothly as one would hope. 🙃

I turn my back, frantically searching for more wipes. Nothing. I had just cleaned out the van yesterday. I got out any and all extraneous wipes, clothes, everything. I KNOW there’s no other wipes in there, but I search anyway. Then I hear it…. that painful SQQQUUUEEEAAAKKKKK of skin getting stuck to a plastic slide on the way down. I look up and yes, of course, it’s Sadie. 🤦🏻‍♀️ She’s going down the slide, butt naked, COVERED in poop, leaving a long skid mark of poop allllllll the way down on her way.

At this point I just give up. I chase down Layla, wrap Sadie in a blanket and buckle them in their car seats and leave. 🤷🏻‍♀️

But wait, ✋🏼it gets better….. 😂
Leaving the poop there was not an option, first of all it’s poop, gross and needs cleaned up regardless. But second of all, Arionna is home deathly ill with a stomach virus (I think). What if Sadie’s getting that virus? There’s no way I’m leaving my kids slug trail of possibly contagious feces on this playground so some other kid can get sick. We live maybe 5 minutes from the park, so I rush home grab Clorox wipes, that are conveniently on my porch because I had used them yesterday to clean a few parts on the van, then rush back.

We get there and there’s still no one else at the park. I park on the gravel right by the slide, leave the van running with the a/c on, leave the babies buckled in, and go to clean the slide and rails.

Easier said than done. 😐

I got the bottom and the main top easily, but the middle of the slide I could not reach. I tried to climb up it, but was unsuccessful. Keep in mind I’m REALLY out of shape and just ran a mile and a half. It’s 90 °, I’m WEAK, uncoordinated. To say I was struggling would an understandment.

Eventually, I get the brilliant idea to go down the slide and wipe as I go. Instead of risking a head injury I decide to go down feet first, on my stomach, holding on to the side to slow myself down with one hand and wiping with the other. This was not easy. I did not look elegant or attractive, I’m sure. I’m 254lbs of sweaty fat flopping around this children’s slide like a fish out of water. 🙄

When I get to the bottom, I’m finally satisfied with my cleaning job. I turn and see a car parked, a family, all of them with glaring at me…. I dunno how long they were there. I never heard them pull up. They never got out of the car. I genuinely think that we’re afraid of me, after all, I was an overweight seemingly childless adult, on children’s playground equipment. 😂😬🤷🏻‍♀️😩

Anyway, now dying of embarrassment, I rush to throw away my wipes and get in the van. I look down and realize there’s poop all over my shirt. Of course, I went down feet first. My clothes got the bulk of the poop. 😐

I am NOT getting that on my seat belt.

I am not getting a ticket or dying from not wearing a seat belt, no matter how short the drive.

So,….. I do the only thing I can think to do….. I drive home in my bra. 🙃🤷🏻‍♀️ That family is scarred for life I’m sure… 😩

We’re all home now; we’re alive, showered, traumatized, but okay. 😂 moral of the story? Always bring extra wipes, extra clothes, extra blankets, extra everything! 😂 Don’t clean out your car, ever. 😂 And if you aren’t mentally, emotionally, and physically prepared to roll around in another person’s feces… use a condom. 🙂🙃😂 You’re welcome! 😂”

Wait What; What’s Going On?

Lest you’re an afflicted sufferer of the ‘Too Long Didn’t Read’ syndrome, here’s a rough breakdown of what happened.

• Brittany brought her two daughters, Sadie and Layla, to the park.
• Sadie had wet shorts, but it wasn’t because she peed.
• Dear Sadie had pooped, and it was a poop her own grandmother would’ve been proud of.

“I’m talking one of them poops you usually see in a newborn, where it’s all up their back and down their legs and you contemplate just throwing the whole baby away,” she wrote.

• Brittany attempts to clear the destruction, but realizes that she only has four wipes left.
• That’s nowhere enough for a poop of that calibre; she’s gonna need a whole fire hydrant, for poop’s sake.

“This isn’t a four wipe kind of poop, it’s pressure washer or open fire hydrant kind of poop,” she wrote.

• She starts looking for wipes in her van, with a naked Sadie standing in an empty parking lot with poop in her hair, down her legs and even on her shoes.
• There were no extra wipes to be found, as dear Mum had cleaned out her van just the day before.
• A loud squeak; Sadie’s going down the slide, leaving poop in her wake.

“At this point I just give up. I chase down Layla, wrap Sadie in a blanket and buckle them in their car seats and leave,” Brittany wrote.

• It wasn’t gonna end there, however.
• One of her daughters was at home, “deathly ill with a stomach virus. What if Sadie had caught it?
• Some spunky slide rider might get sick.
• And so Brittany heads back to the crime scene with Clorox wipes in hand, and prepares her Attack On Slide.

“We get there and there’s still no one else at the park. I park on the gravel right by the slide, leave the van running with the a/c on, leave the babies buckled in, and go to clean the slide and rails,” she wrote.

• But then disaster strikes: she can only reach the top and bottom parts of the slide.
• The middle part was out of reach.
  

“I tried to climb up it, but was unsuccessful. Keep in mind I’m REALLY out of shape and just ran a mile and a half. I’m WEAK, uncoordinated. To say I was struggling would be an understatement.”

• And then Brittany solves the dilemma, by going down the slide and wiping it as she goes. So she goes down the slide feet first on her stomach, to avoid the risk of a head injury if she had gone head first.

“(I’m) holding on to the side to slow myself down with one hand and wiping with the other. This was not easy. I did not look elegant or attractive, I’m sure,” she wrote.

“I’m 254lbs of sweaty fat flopping around this children’s slide like a fish out of water.”

• Once she reached the bottom, Brittany declared that she was satisfied with her cleaning job.
• But just as she’s indulging in a job well done, she turns back and sees a family glaring at her.

“I dunno how long they were there. I never heard them pull up. They never got out of the car. I genuinely think that we’re afraid of me, after all, I was an overweight seemingly childless adult, on children’s playground equipment,” she wrote.

• Needless to say, Brittany rushed to throw away all her wipes, and quickly got in the van.
• Her shirt, however, was stained with poop as well. Her clothes had gotten the bulk of the poop as she went down feet first.
• Not wanting to get poop on her seat belt, nor wanting to put herself at risk of getting a ticket or dying from not wearing a seatbelt, Brittany takes off her shirt…
• And drives home in her bra.

Thankfully, they managed to get home safe and sound.

Fun And Games? Hardly

Needless to say, parenting’s not all fun and games.

Hardly.

As Brittany so aptly puts it:

“Always bring extra wipes, extra clothes, extra blankets, extra everything! 😂 Don’t clean out your car, ever. 😂 And if you aren’t mentally, emotionally, and physically prepared to roll around in another person’s feces… use a condom. 🙂🙃😂 You’re welcome! 😂,” she wrote.

But of course, don’t let that deter you from parenting. Sure, it’s not all fun and games…

But I would say it’s still above 50%. 🙂