People Are Now Giving Bubble Tea As Offerings At Thai Temples

By
Victor Fong
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Editor: Bubble Tea

Me: Oh, we’re ordering bubble tea? Help me order Br…

Editor: No, Bubble Tea is now temple offerings.

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Me: *TRIGGERED*

I wanted a more epileptic image to show the true extent of triggering, but this will do./ Image: Giphy

Now, before anything…we have to show you this video (again) that we’ve done about bubble tea until you’ve subscribed to our YouTube channel:

Done? Okay, moving on…

Once again, a great recap of how humanity has fallen to bubble tea

Dress up as bubble tea for Halloween

Image: 世界超級無敵宇宙級笑話天堂 Facebook Page

Make idols out of them and place them beside our beds as shrines

Image: Smoko

Attempt acts of sexuality, and broadcasting to the public for indecent exposure

Image: creamcandy123/ Twitter

Plant the seeds for boba, paving the way for an invasive species with potential malicious will against humanity

Image: Crab Generation Restaurant Facebook

But like any other things in the world, the ultimate form isn’t simply proliferation. It’s not even having pictures framed or being put in a good light. Even sex is not the true end goal, the pinnacle of what something can be.

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No, the highest being is something that nobody can understand. In other words, religion, or God.

And Bubble Tea has found its way into shrines… starting by being an offering now.

Bubble Tea Offerings at Thai Temple

Image: พยูนบูด ตะลุยกิน Facebook

The typical offerings were food and flower garlands.

Which means that bubble tea has taken over tradition at this point. You can even see the care given in the selection—all hailing from top brands of bubble tea. This ain’t just your typical offering. It’s the best of the best.

How this usually works, is that people would first pray for their wishes, with a votive offering. When it came true, they would present what they promised.

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But it seems like Bubble Tea do hold some power because the Bubble Tea gods have apparently decided to grant some wishes.

(Well, if you follow the story, it’s actually the gods liking bubble tea so much that they granted the wish. But I have a narrative to tell.)

Wishes granted by Bubble Tea

Prayed for a job, got it:

If a job offer is worth 1 bubble tea, then what kind is worth 5? Maybe we will never know, but a Twitter user shared that it did come true:

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And with even more offerings like this, you can say that a lot of wishes have been granted:

The red drinks are Nam Daeng, which are bright red Fanta that are the typical offerings.

Why? According to theories on The Strategic Retreat, red is symbolic of life force, and the replacement of a blood sacrifice. It’s in a glass, so it’s practical in the sense that it wouldn’t fall from the wind.

To be honest, if I were being offered, I’d choose BBT over Fanta too.

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But, back to my BBT taking over the world conspiracy.

The signs were all here, people

Here’s the actual damage bubble tea has done to our society thus far:

What does this all mean? It’s clear at this point. Bubble Tea wants to be revered. It aims to be a god, praised as the almighty and gain a literal religious following.

When we make tweets and posts on Bubble Tea, is that not the spreading of their words? When we create recipes, are we not creating holy scriptures for teachings of the holy ones?

Don’t say I haven’t warned you, people. Right now, Bubble Tea appears to be harmless, but one day…

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It’s all in the crystal ball/ Image: Giphy

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Victor Fong
Email: [email protected]