If you’ve played Cat Mario before, you’ll know one thing.
The game’s utter garbage.
Now, I’m not saying it because it’s so damn hard to clear. Nor am I saying it because I was once stuck at level 2 for a whopping five hours, with the only progression I made being a slight sift to the right stage before I got destroyed by a swinging pickaxe.
Not at all.
Instead, I’m saying it because the game seems have been designed with one primary purpose:
To torment the player forever and eternity.
But as f*cked up as that particular game is, there’s no beating this game, which is of such ludicrous levels that it has been dubbed the ‘Impossible Mini-Game’ by none other than our boss (who we’ll have you know was dubbed the ‘Impossible Game-challenger’ back in his high school days).
Yet strangely enough, this game’s not supported by some unreal engine, or even hosted on websites like Y8 or Miniclip. Instead, it’s a game that’s, for some reason…
Hosted on a ramen website.
Baby Star Ramen
But before I talk about the game in question, I feel it pertinent to give a brief intro of the ramen to you. Not because it’s particularly relevant to the topic, but rather because I need to fill up the word quota.
Then again, we’ve already done a video about instant noodles and you can just watch it here:
So anyway, Baby Star Ramen, lest you’re unaware, is a perpetual childhood classic over in ‘Pika Pika’ Japan.
Stocked in a variety of flavours, the brand’s renowned for its basic bag of crispy, fried noodles that may be consumed alone or added to other dishes as a crunchy garnish.
But apparently, Oyatsu Company, the manufacturer behind Baby Star Ramen, isn’t just good at creating noodle snacks.
It’s pretty good at pissing people off too.
Earlier this month, Japanese Twitter user @013_uotias shared a post about an interesting game that Oyatsu Company is hosting on its website. And while the game started off seemingly innocent enough, things soon got serious.
The shock of a lifetime
Here’s what the disillusioned user had to say about the game.
“I was directed to this absolutely insane mini game when I visited Oyatsu Company’s website for the first time in a while.”
“Search for Baby Star! If you can clear the mission, you too can become a ‘Baby Star Master’! Look for the Baby Star noodle that Hoshio-kun dropped!!
Hoshio-kun dropped his precious Baby Star…Find the noodle with the exact same shape! You can share your results with everyone if you find it in the allotted time!
WANTED: Find the Baby Star with the same shape within the allotted time.
The noodle is hiding somewhere in here.”
Sounds easy at first? Me too. It all ended, however, when the ramen nation attacked.
Like no kidding, it was an entire nation.
Finding a noodle in a Ramenstack
Having pulled up the website in question, I promptly clicked the ‘Start’ button to embark upon what seemed to be a promising ride. But much like the Mummy ride in USS, it all plummetted.
I mean, my task sounded simple enough. Find a squiggly noodle with a particular shape. But the haystack I was supposed to comb for it from?
What the actual ****.
I swear; my eyes have not darted that frantically since the day my pen fell somewhere during an O Level exam. But it was all for naught, as the timer stopped me after two minutes.
Unrelenting, I tried over and over again, until I found one with a pretty distinctive shape.
Yeah, the shape looks pretty promising. And besides, I seem to have a good affinity with all things G: games, gym, guns, girls (Editor’s note: that’s a lie), so things should work out well this time.
Hesitant, I clicked ‘Start’, and right off the bat I was squinting amongst a mass of cold ramen villains.
Goddamn I never knew ramen could be so loathing to look at.
But a promise is a promise. With my ancestors’ hopes lying upon my rather narrow shoulders, I breathe in, breathe out, close my eyes, open my eyes…
And it’s game on.
It was tough; everything looked the same (much like foreigners to locals), and I could feel sweat beads forming on my forehead. The company’s mascot, Hoshio-kun, was trying his best to help, with comments such as “No no, it’s not there!” if I’m straying a little far, and “Oh! You’re a little bit close” once I was heading in the right direction. But by the 50th second mark I found myself wondering:
“Just give me the exact spot you little shit.”
But of course it couldn’t mind-read, and so all it did was spew out comment after comment as I tried my best not to get distracted. 60 seconds on, I was all ready to give up, when Hoshio-kun finally said something new:
“Hey! Can you sense its presence!?”
Excited, I, for lack of a better phrase, opened my eyes big big, and proceeded to scour the immediate area to the best of my ability. With my family members’ words and affections whistling into my mind at that moment, I scrunch up my face as I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and opened them.
There it was. A small little ‘G-shaped noodle’ that you can’t help but cuss the makers for making you find. Delightful, triumphant and impossibly cocky, I click upon it with all the force I could muster.
I didn’t disappoint my ancestors after all. Sniff, sniff. For the first time.
Thereafter, the game offered me an option to share my result on social media.
And because I was so confident and adrenaline-rushed, I was all ready to click on that Facebook share button when my great-great-great-great-grandpa’s words echoed in my mind.
“Zhi Hao, this is not the right time to use the share button!”
Puzzled, I deliberated over it for a bit, before scrolling through for Netizen reactions to the game. Did they post their results too, I wondered.
“I cleared it in 5.9 seconds!” one Netizen commented.
“I got 4.2 seconds on my third try,” another one said.
“Oyatsu Company is terrifying.”
“They’ve got me stumped.”
“Is it just me, or is the color of the hidden noodle a little off?” the last one said.
It’s a no then.
So what are you waiting for?
If you’re some legendary gamer with multiple accolades to his or her name (or have a sick wish to be tormented, or are just a masochist in general), you know what to do. Click the link below, and let all your dreams come true.
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