Self-Cook Ramen Machine Now Available At Tanjong Pagar 7-Eleven

Image: Singapore Atrium Sale

I have travelled to the future. The year is 2579.

Home cooking is dead. All cookbooks and culinary knowledge are reserved only for the private chefs of the elite society.

The concept of a stove and tap water is now considered alien to the average citizen. Ask a man what is a pan, and he will look at you dumbfounded, “…you mean pancake?”.

Our food now only comes in instant packaging, and beverages come only bottled. The concept of “water” is also foreign, as the major liquid supply comes from a certain Brawwndo company.

“It’s what plants crave”, as I was told, meant to convince me that the sugar infested beverage is beneficial for my body.

In search of actual food prepared by humans, I travelled to Tanjong Pagar’s 7-Eleven, Icon Village outlet, located at 10 Gopeng Street.

It is said that here lie the remnants of one of humanity’s last hope for home cooking.

Image: Singapore Atrium Sale Facebook

A long line forms here.

“This thing! I did not see before. It’s hot and creates hot Brawwndo!” Perhaps that was the language barrier, but I could barely understand the excited girl in line. Similar bouts of excitement could be heard from the rest of the queue.

It is finally my turn.

Image: Singapore Atrium Sale Facebook

In front of me, I see a stove. I cried for humanity and myself. Humanity has devolved to the point where a simple stove caused a commotion.

I was also told that my watch was just broken, and it was actually the year 2019.

Peter Tay meets a Genie who helps him wipe off three of his past mistakes. You won’t have expected what he wished for for his third wish. Watch it here:

I cried even harder.

Stove, with hot water tap. Now at 7-Elevens.

Image: Singapore Atrium Sale Facebook

You can choose a ramen packet at the low price of S$3.50. That seems to exclude the price of toppings, which looks like S$1.45 for a sausage.

Image: Singapore Atrium Sale Facebook
Image: Singapore Atrium Sale Facebook

For almost S$5, in what circumstances do I have to be in to decide eating instant noodles with sausage is a good thing?

QUIZ TIME!

What demographic is the most famous for eating instant noodles with random toppings? Poor college students, especially like those in America where Hawker centres don’t exist.

Do you know why they eat it? Definitely, because they have money to pay S$5 for every meal and not because it is cheap and fast to make!

How did this get popular?

Attractive people is my guess.

In a video that got 1 million views, by Sibongtv, the Ramyun machine is used.

Image: Sibongtv 시봉tv YouTube

Then another which got 1.3 million views by HojuSara.

Image: 호주사라 HojuSara YouTube

So I guess what the masses are telling me is that as long as I am handsome enough, I can sell anything and people will buy it?

Time to get plastic surgery I guess.

You can actually buy the machine

And if somehow what I wrote doesn’t register as sarcastic or satire, and you wish to own said machine, there’s actually a commercial version that you can buy.

Image: Sibongtv 시봉tv YouTube

You can see the LAZO brand there, which should be all you need to check if you can import it. Not actually recommending it.

What were they thinking?

The number of people who know what a stove looks like aside, I can only imagine what is going through the heads of the people who thought this product seemed like a genuinely good idea.

Image: Imgflip

Ok, to their credit, maybe this is a prototype that will be some sort of innovation for the future. Just maybe, this kind of inventions makes it a possibility where in the future, certain food items can be prepared on the spot as long as it involves a formulaic process.

But for now, I’ll stick to my Cai Png or even McDonald’s.