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There’s A Petition To Make The Singapore Flyer Spin Faster To Blow The Haze Away

2019-09-20 , 3:00 pm

Lest you’re unaware, the haze is bad. Pretty darn bad.

“That’s just what the government want us to think,” you argue. “It’s actually misunderstood! The haze is lovely, and it blocks out those damn UV rays for us! It’s a blessing!”

In response, let’s just say that…

UV rays seem like a harmless tanning session in Florida compared to what the haze does to you.

And I’m not even exaggerating. Apart from the long-term health impacts such as respiratory problems, lung cancer and heart disease, evidence has also shown that fine particulate matter can apparently lead to instantaneous drops in productivity.

So yes folks, you won’t just kena cancer in the long run.

You’ll also become dumber and slower in the short run.

HOW DO WE KEEP THAT DISTINCT POSSIBILITY AWAY?

Now that you’re fully familiarised with the damning consequences of the haze, the question begets;

So how do we keep the haze… far, far away?

Well, over in Malaysia, suggestions have certainly been rather forthcoming.

Whether they’re deserving of a Nobel prize, however, leaves much to be desired.

“But what about Singapore?” you demand. “What’re we doing to curb this mass genocide? WHAT’RE WE DOING? TELL ME.”

Well, we do have the ever-trustworthy N95 masks to siphon off 99.9999% of all haze particles, but if you were to request for a larger-scale solution…

This is it.

There’s A Petition To Make The Singapore Flyer Spin Faster To Blow The Haze Away

The haze might reportedly make Singaporeans dumber and slower…

But the notion certainly didn’t apply to one man, who goes by the humble name of Kesh Meister.

On 19 September, 2019, Kesh started a petition to counter the haze. And geezus…

It’s sheer ingenuity at its best.

Stating that the Singapore Flyer’s essentially a huge fan, he called for Straco Corporation to “make the Singapore Flyer spin faster” in order to blow the haze away.

“Making it spin faster will help to blow the haze away and ensure that the haze stays out so that we may go back to living a healthy lifestyle,” he wrote.

“I bet we’re all sick and tired of the haze right about now.”

He also questioned the viability and affordability of the classic N95 mask.

“I mean, wearing masks just to protect ourselves? It’s just additional cost on TOP of the already insane living costs in Singapore.”

To end off, he acknowledged the near-zero success rate of the petition.

“This probably will never pass but you know, let’s see how signatures we can get. Let us all stand united as one!” he concluded.

…

A round of applause for Kesh, folks.

The hero we need, and the hero we deserve.

On a side note, you can head over here to show your support for the man. Again, there’s probably 0.0000000001% of it working out and all, but hey;

It’s better to die trying than to give up altogether, right? 🙂

There’s A Petition To Make The Singapore Flyer Spin Faster To Blow The Haze Away

HOW DO WE KEEP THAT DISTINCT POSSIBILITY AWAY?

There’s A Petition To Make The Singapore Flyer Spin Faster To Blow The Haze Away

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