So, I was given $5 to buy a drink for #ThirstyThursday.
“Just buy something that readers would read,” my editor said.
“But I thought Goody Feed’s purpose isn’t to write viral stuff, but more of to educate readers through entertaining and informative contents—”
“My little one,” he said, putting his pinky on my lips, “if there’s one thing you must learn, learn this: the world’s not as pretty as it seems. On the surface, we’re doing work for the betterment of our society. In this office, we’re doing work for the betterment of our boss’ wallet. So shut up and go.”
And so, I made my way to the nearest 7-Eleven and bought this.
“Hey,” I said, “bottled bubble tea! It’ll definitely go viral, right?”
Everyone went silent.
“You do know that was out in…January 2019, right?” XiaoBeach73 whispered. “You’re so going to die—”
“This is GREAT!” my editor yelled. “Now, send this to the photographer and write a review immediately.”
But XiaoBeach73 was right. If you find this familiar, it’s because this went viral earlier this year.
Then again, there’s a reason why I bought it—for some reason, it’s back in 7-Eleven. I know because I’ve always been there to look at all the drinks for #ThirstyThursday.
And since we’ve not reviewed it before, and my editor’s an idiot who didn’t follow trend, why not review this now?
Though this would be rather meaningless, because if you need to know one thing about this drink, here’s it: don’t bother with it.
History of POLAR Peach Bubble Tea
Lest you’re just as uninformed as my editor, here’re some facts: back in January this year, 7-Eleven made every bubble tea fan go apeshit with this:
First bubble tea in a bottle?
Shut up and take my money!
Though back in your mind, you would be thinking: how does it work? Anyone who has consumed bubble tea that’s not fresh would know that an hour or so after the tea is made, the pearls would no longer be chewy.
There’s a reason why bubble tea stores made every cup fresh for every customer instead of pre-packing them.
Have POLAR come out with a magical formula that can keep pearls chewy after an hour while being drowned in the tea?
Let’s find out.
Taste Test
For a start, the price is pretty reasonable compared to fresh bubble tea: at a promotional price of $3.60 for two 450ml bottles, it’s much cheaper than any bubble tea shops out there.
When you purchase it, the cashier would also provide you with a large straw. But unfortunately, that’s when the resemblance ends.
The drink is filled with black and white konjac pearls instead of tapioca pearls. A search online reveals that unlike tapioca, which is a starch, konjac is more of a plant, and is used to create jellies.
Which explains everything.
The pearls don’t even remotely taste like any bubble tea pearls I’ve chewed: not even close to those $1-per-cup bubble tea shops below HDB blocks.
Instead, each pearl, if you’d still like to call it, tastes like hardened jelly that’s shaped like a pearl. I’d rather have cooked leather. At least that’s chewy.
In fact, if not for the packaging, I won’t even call it a pearl.
The peach tea is rather reasonable: it’s not too sweet and has a peachy taste to it. It could have shone without those damn pearls.
After downing the bottle, I’ve decided to do the unthinkable and left whatever pearls are in there and tossed the bottle away. Never have I ever done that to a bubble tea before.
My verdict? I think you know the answer.
Rating: 0.5/5 (the 0.5 is given for its low price)
If you watch at least 10 minutes of brain rot content daily, you must know this:
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