We all agree that the Internet is filled with nothing but truthfulness: that influencer whom you’ve been stalking definitely looks like a diva 24 hours a day, and travel 365 days a year.
Your friend is in a great relationship because he’s been posting lovey-dovey images on Instagram, despite the fact that you saw him on Tinder this morning.
With so many people having such a perfect image online, we thought of having a weekly section called #TuesdayTruthday, whereby we Goody Feed, the imperfect human beings on the Internet, reveal some of our stories to show you the truth online.
And what better way to start off than with something everyone can relate to—bad dates.
Here are three stories to make you feel better about your own disaster dates.
The Tinder First Date (Writer, 24)
My worst date experience? Well, here goes.
So before I start, here’s the rough gist of it. It’s pretty funny actually.
So I was talking to this girl on Tinder for a month and found her a pretty good catch. Before I knew it, days flew by, birds chirped and all that romantic bullshit and things seemed to be looking up.
And then I went clubbing one fine day, only to find her in the same arena. Long story short; she was pissed I had gone clubbing and flashed me the middle finger. Nevertheless, I managed to land a date with her. No idea how, but I shall decline to reveal the exact details.
Anyway, things didn’t exactly start out well. We agreed to meet up at McDonald’s, but apparently I went to the wrong one. As a result, she had to come fetch me. Oh, the horror. And then I realised she smoked. Like there and then, as she puffed a cigarette with a rather surprised me at her side.
But oh well, things are still pretty cool.
After that, we had a rather pleasant experience at a burger place (Potato Head Folk if I didn’t remember wrongly), though it was slightly marred by a few choice words I had used at the wrong time. After that, we went for a drink, and as I drowned in alcohol, I only recall her penetrating questions.
Yeah, things were getting pretty serious.
Thereafter we cabbed to FClub, and I remember being rather tipsy as we traipsed, relying on her for support. At the counter, I offered to pay, only to realise that I had zero bucks in my wallet.
“It’s alright,” I reassured her confidently. “I’ve got NETS.”
“Sorry, sir, we don’t accept NETS,” the young upstart receptionist said plainly.
“It’s okay,” my date smiled at the receptionist, before looking at me as if I was a slug. “I’ll pay first.”
Nevertheless, we made it and began to dance. I think she was being hit on by a few guys, but I just threw my slobbering schmuck of a face out before them and gave my best ‘drunk, angry’ expression. Drew quite a few judgmental gazes but hey it worked; that’s all that matters.
But of course, good times don’t last. Never. After the whole blurry affair, I walked her to the local pick-up point. Or rather, she walked me. After that, I was rather insistent on getting her home first. Rather loud too. Unfortunately, my drunk exterior failed me, and the next thing I knew she was booking my cab for me.
Wow, what a catch.
When my cab arrived, I knew, somehow, that I had to do something. And so I tried leaning in for a kiss. And as I approached, she angled her face to reciprocate.
We ended up cheek-bumping instead.
“What’s that?” she asked.
“Err… a trailer for next time we meet!”
I got on the cab; she got on hers. And we left. Curiously, I did manage to secure a second date after that. Somehow. However, I got cold feet at the last second and pulled out; she was a nice girl, but I don’t really appreciate a cigarette in my cup of tea.
And so yeah, that’s my worst date experience.
A Forceful Man (Writer, 20)
So here’s a story about my worst date experience ever.
He was an older acquaintance of mine whom I met through a friend. He came to pick me up in his car and I was already excited. It was difficult to comprehend that that was happening, and perhaps it was because of the butterflies that this was one of my very first dates, I stuttered a lot and my mind was blank. I forgot how to act like myself.
We settled down at a restaurant for dinner which claimed to have the ‘Best Fish & Chips in Town’! News flash, it didn’t, and it only took one bite to realise that. He told me halfway through our meal to stop eating and that we should leave.
I told him it was fine but he simply snapped at me.
Talk about keeping your cool, man.
He brought me to another place for food afterwards and said that it would be better, but it was closed and he took his annoyance out on me, for some reason.
He tried to make peace with me when he realised that I was offended and was starting to move away from him, which then led to him trying to force a kiss on me.
Don’t know about you but I consider that a red flag. And at that moment, I realised this wasn’t how I pictured a date with him would look like. I regretted going out with him because it shattered my image of him. And with that, all the feelings I had for him somehow vanished.
I didn’t talk to him ever again.
The Very, Very First Date (Writer, 30)
If you can’t tell by the subheading, I’m pre-historic compared to the very young writers in this article.
Don’t expect Tinder, sliding into DMs or any exciting things young people get up to today. In fact, there’s no clubbing, no alcoholic groping; it’s all very PG-13.
So there was this girl in school who consistently scored well enough to be the top ten students across the cohort. Every single year.
Yes, she was really really smart.
And one day, because I conveniently rescued her in lab class by answering the teacher’s question (it was chemistry and that teacher was scary) on her behalf, she looked at me in a different light.
Hey, he’s actually not that dumb.
Ho, boy. Long story short, I added her on MSN messenger, wrote her initials on the “What are we feeling today” sub-caption and we got together.
And after some time, I decided it’s time for the next step: A date with hand-holding and kiss(es).
I wanted to go to the arcade because that was what cool guys do. We win at arcade games and impress the girls. Then, we get kisses. We were 14, sue us.
But we couldn’t because her aunty’s home and hell would break loose if they ever knew she’s going out with me. You can’t go to the arcade in your school uniform.
How about that beautiful garden within the school compound? Nope, too warm.
Hey, how about the AVA room above the hall- Nah, not even going to suggest that. I’ll sound like a creep.
So in the end, we wind up at the library. Quiet reading place. Fierce 50-something librarian always on the lookout for kids like me.
But that’s okay because I have a backup plan: I’ll walk her home. And judging by her expression when I asked, she loved the idea too.
So we walked out of the school gate and turned right. After three steps, I was about to reach over for her hand like Ah Hock in our upcoming video when she said, “Thanks for sending me home!”
Turns out, she stays at the block just beside the school entrance. And because her aunt’s always looking out of the window to see what she’s doing, there was no hand-holding, a kiss on the cheek or even walking closer-than-what-normal-friends-would-be.
So ends my first date. At the library reading ugh study notes.
Worst. Date. Ever.
P/S: She’s still the sweetest girl ever, though.
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