Using Phone While You’re in the Toilet Could Lead to Piles

Constantly using your phone while you’re in the toilet?

Well, you might want to abstain from such behaviour in the future.

According to Channel News Asia, using your phone in the bathroom might prolong your time on the toilet, and in the process cause you to develop piles.

Yes, I’m talking about those lumpy inflammations that make sitting a real pain in the ass. Literally.

Using Phone While You’re in the Toilet Could Lead to Piles

According to Dr Jason Lim, a general surgeon at Mount Elizabeth Novena Hospital, you shouldn’t be bringing your handphone along the next time you pay a visit to the toilet.

While the distinct possibility of your iPhone X dropping into a pile of shit is definitely one reason why you should not, the other one’s significantly more dangerous (and painful af).

Piles.

By bringing your phone with you, you’re risking a particularly long time in there, whether you’re busy playing games, messaging your sweetheart or watching some animal p*rn. And when you sit your ass on that toilet bowl for too long, it can actually put you in a position that makes you prone to… this:

Plus, if you find yourself frequently constipated because of a diet that’s distinctly lacking in fibre and adequate fluid intake, it’s like double the whammy.

Like saying “Haemorrhoids, here I come” really.

And that’s not the only obstacle in your way either

If you’re a fan of weightlifting, bad news. While those hard-earned personal records might be easy on your mind and ego, they’re definitely not easy on your ass. According to CNA, excessive strain can actually take its toll on extremities you never thought could be affected.

So yeah, you gotta choose. Strength or difficulty sitting without it feeling like Lucifer’s eating your ass. Your choice.

Also, if you’re a big fan of mala, curry or generally anything spicy, you know the drill. Those fiery, toxic substances that seemed to have been coined by Lucifer himself make your ass splurt like an old man on drugs, and it’s damn nasty it even created the term ‘the ring of fire’.

And yeah, they don’t take a healthy toll on your ass, lest you’re wondering.

“Spicy food may lead to more frequent bowel movements, which in turn, increases swelling of the haemorrhoids,” said Dr Bettina Lieske, senior consultant at National University Hospital’s Division of Colorectal Surgery.

Wait, how do I tell I have piles?

For starters, here’s a little clarification: everyone actually has piles, as they serve a rather interesting purpose.

“Haemorrhoids, also known as anal cushions, are present in every human’s anus,” said Dr Lim. “These cushions are important in providing the fine control necessary for maintaining anal continence. An example would be allowing the anus to pass gas without leaking stools.”

But here’s the thing: these tissues and blood vessels might become a problem when they are inflamed and engorged. With there being two types of piles, internal and external, the former haemorrhoids seldom cause pain, but these lumps routinely cause bleeding and can actually get expelled through the anus during bowel movements.

On the other hand, external haemorrhoids make you uncomfortable. Real uncomfortable. They also possess “more obvious swelling”, so it’s a pretty definitive way to tell whether your haemorrhoids are that of an internal, or external nature.

If you can’t tell yourself, however, you can always pay a trip to the doctor, who will categorise piles into four grades:

• Grade 1: Internal haemorrhoids that do not prolapse or fall out of the anus.
• Grade 2: These internal haemorrhoids prolapse from the anus during strain or defaecation. But they reduce in size and retract on their own after bowel movements.
• Grade 3: Like Grade 2, these haemorrhoids jut out from the anus during strain or defaecation. The exception is, they need to be manually pushed back into the anus.
• Grade 4: These are external haemorrhoids that cannot reduce in size on their own or be manually put back in.

And before you proclaim “the power of youth” and start dismissing the notion of haemorrhoids altogether, just know that it can happen to anyone.

Of any age.

“Different patients at different ages and points of their lives have different activity levels and tolerance levels,” he said. “As such, the symptoms from haemorrhoids can vary significantly between patients with the same grade of haemorrhoids.”

What if I kena? Must go through surgery ah?

Because piles are actually necessary for your dear anus, the treatment of piles isn’t necessarily surgical removal.

“Piles are necessary for the fine control and maintenance of anal continence,” said Dr Lim. “Therefore, the treatment is directed at the symptoms, and not to remove the piles entirely.”

Which makes total sense, because removing all of a patient’s piles can actually lead to the loss of anal continence. It could even cause the scarring and tightening of the anus, which can really affect the patient’s ability to defecate.

Also, medication might be utilised to reduce swelling and inflammation, as well as to soften your stools. And for repeat cases or particularly large swellings, non-surgical methods such as rubber band ligation or sclerotherapy may be utilised.

Surgery is normally only considered when the aforementioned methods fail. Though if we had our way…

We’ll prefer not to go there in the first place.

And so, watch out, people.

Stop spending so much time on the toilet bowl.

Stop squeezing all that shit out while doing squats.

And stop eating so much spicy food.

It might be tough, but I believe that if we unite in our efforts…

We can make haemorrhoids a thing of the past.

After all, as the Wise Old Man once said:

“What did one butt cheek say to the other? Together, we can stop this shit.”