According to Apple, Villains in TV / Movies Do Not Use iPhone or MacBook

During my routine potty session at 3:00 a.m. today, I came across an earth-endangering, utterly ludicrous, thought-provoking thought:

“How come villains in movies like never use iPhone one ah?” I rambled as the currents shivered and cowered beneath me. “Heroes always use them, but villains never use them one.”

“Don’t cock please,” my Aunt Matilda opened the bathroom door and poked her head inside. “They’ll obviously use iPhones; they’re the best. And your shit stinks.”

“But Aunt Matilda,” I retorted, now indignant because she had insulted the quality of my sweet-smelling produce. “I’ve never seen them using Apple products. And besides, I’ve Intel.” I brandished an article in her face.

She glared at me; shaking her head, she slowly perused the article and I watched as her face creased in all of its aged brilliance.

“Hmph, what can I say? I always knew that.”

“No you didn’t. And take back your comments about my poop; it’s innocent.”

“Yes I did you rude, foul-mouthed little boy. Now wipe your sorry ass already and get out of there; I’m gonna burst.”

According to Apple, Villains in TV / Movies Do Not Use iPhone or MacBook

Ever wondered why villains in movies or TV shows never use Apple products, notwithstanding the appeal of a fine and elegant iPhone X?

Well, the answer might lie with movie director Rian Johnson’s not-so-subtle answer in an interview with Vanity Fair.

“Apple, they let you use iPhones in movies, but—and this is very pivotal if you’re ever watching a mystery movie—bad guys cannot have iPhones on camera,” Johnson said.

He was reluctant, however, to reveal that piece of information. “Because it’s going to screw me on the next mystery movie that I write.” But he soon added: “Forget it, I’ll say it. It’s very interesting.”

And he acknowledged that his little tidbit could potentially ruin a whole line-up of plot lines.

“Every single filmmaker that has a bad guy in their movie that’s supposed to be a secret wants to murder me right now,” Johnson said.

Well, good luck with that, Mr Johnson. On another note, Arstechnica has since approached Apple for clarification.

Legal Force? Or No Legal Force?

According to Arstechnica, it’s uncertain whether there’s any legal force to Apple’s alleged demand that movie villains not use iPhones.

“I’m comfortable saying that moviemakers don’t need a license [from product makers] to have characters using everyday products in normal ways,” Legal Director John Bergmayer of advocacy group Public Knowledge said. “Maybe you could gin up some scenario where there’s an implied endorsement, but that seems rare—not that this would discourage frivolous lawsuits.”

He also doubted that “merely having a bad guy driving a car or using a phone” could be perceived as the tarnishing of a trademark.

But hey, you know what they say:

“A clean-cut image’s easy to initiate, but difficult to maintain.”

So at the very least, we’ll have to give props to Apple for ensuring such a tough consistency.

Sure helped to boost their brand image, that’s for sure.

But that’d mean spoilers for all movies; if a bad guy is using an iPhone, you can bet that he’s actually an undercover agent.