Watch: Deer Mates With Statue Thinking It’s Real, Gets Shocked When The Head Falls Off

All humans need companionship.

When one goes too long without a lover’s touch, we may be driven to certain extremes.

For example, one may seek the comfort of a substitute.

Like waifu body pillows.

Starved for affection, humans can channel all of their love towards their body pillow waifu and express them via many methods, some more family-friendly than others.

But if you thought that such behaviour is limited to humans, you thought wrong.

Oh, Deer.

It appears that even other members of the animal kingdom can be driven to uncontrollable desperation.

Bringing a whole new meaning to going stag, a deer (presumably male due to the antlers) was seen and recorded making love to a statue endeeringly and vigorously.

To be fair to the stag, he probably didn’t know it was a statue at all.

Because what happened next horrified him.

Staggering Skills

Imagine you’re having an intimate session with a girl.

Picture yourself as the stag.

Amid your ferocious and vigorous attacks from behind (because you like it that way), you hear a plop.

Her head falls off.

Gives a whole new meaning to giving head, eh?

You: “Holy shit! I’ve heard from girls that I was mind-blowing good, but this is a whole new level!”

What do you do?

You: “Shit. I think I zao better.”

You: “Wah. But I feel bad sia. Her head is just lying there. Maybe I can bring it to sell to my house there the tze char stall for their hotplate venison?”

You: “WTF do I do now?”

This last line was probably what was going through the stag’s mind in that frame, as he stared into the camera with a lost mind (also realising that there were witnesses to his horrific crime).

Stag Night

But seriously, you’ve got to feel bad for him.

All he wanted was a fun night which he can forget about the next day.

He ended up being traumatised, probably being fearful of mating sessions in the future, always paranoid that his partner’s head might fall off at any time.

The power of being too good in bed can also be a curse.

If you wish to see the man in action, you can do so here:

Maybe the footage can help give you/your partner some tips on how to be staggeringly good in bed.

Now we know that Lily Potter probably had some really good nights with James.

Get it? Potterheads where you at?