Why Your First Love Will Probably Never Be Your True Love

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We’ve all heard the notion: third time’s the charm. So really, those who are on their first and second lovers can rest assured:

It’s not gonna last long so I say “full steam ahead!”

Alright, alright, I jest. While the third time does seem to do the trick for most love-seekers, there are those who nailed it (no pun intended) on their first and second tries. So to those first and second lovers, I say:

There might still be hope, so do not give up just yet.

However, while the notion ‘third time’s the charm’ does have its doubters, there’s another saying that’s considerably more accepted in the love circle. And yes, it’s the headline you just read on your way here:

Why Your First Love Will Probably Never Be Your True Love

Now I bet you’re wondering; why exactly? Why can’t your first love be your one true love? What’s stopping it from happening? Is it because you’re too immature? Is it because you’re destined to be a player? Or gawd forbid, is it because your first love’s an attractive canine by the name of Lily?

Well, let me explain it all to you in simple Singaporean Singlish English.

True Love

First and foremost, I’ll have to start with the true definition of true love. What is it exactly? Is true love achieved when both partners are able to host a farting competition with minimal blush?

Is true love achieved when you look in each other’s eyes and sparks fly and your insanely evil Aunt Matilda gets electrocuted just before she spikes your food?

Well, the answer’s admittedly rather subjective, since everyone has their own definition of true love. However, just like everything else in the world, there’s a consensus that the world has come to, a notion that the vast majority agree on:

That true love’s an emotional as well as physical connection with your partner that runs immeasurably deep. Or in other words, life without your significant other would be practically…

Unthinkable.

Now, you might be confused as to what true love truly entails, and so I shall plagiarize list down a number of factors that seem to dictate true love:

  • You care about this person unconditionally.

By unconditionally, I mean unconditionally. You adore your partner with absolutely no strings attached, and no matter what circumstances you encounter, you’ll support and care for your partner without fail.

  • You fully accept your partner.

You understand your partner for the person he or she truly is, and you’ve accepted them. You don’t try to change them, you don’t try to change them into your ideal type. Rather, you’ve accepted your partner wholesale, flaws and all.

  • You can talk about anything.

And it’s not just fart jokes and ‘yo momma so fat’ jokes. Rather, you’re able to open up fully to your partner, ugly past or not. And because of your willingness to be open and vulnerable around each other, your loving connection’s all the more stronger.


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  • You’re totally yourself with this person.

You’re not feigning anything. You’re not doing a Brad Pitt or a Leonardo DiCaprio. Everything you convey in this relationship’s 100% you.

  • You respect each other.

Mutual respect.

  • You have similar values.

By that I don’t mean just old-school values like compassion, kindness, ethnicity or terrorism. I mean being on the same page when it comes to distinguishing right from wrong.

  • Your happiness levels feed off each other.

You shouldn’t feel happy at the expense of your partner. You should feel happy alongside your partner.

  • You’re a team.

In comic terms, you’re Vision and they’re Wanda. In layman terms, you got to think in terms of “we” instead of “me”.

For more info on true love, you can look here.


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And Just How Does That Tie In With The Whole ‘Why Your First Love Will Probably Never Be Your True Love’ Concept?

Now, let’s face it: first love might be immeasurably fun, but most of the time you’ve no clue what you’re doing. And I’m not just talking about the puberty-hit kids; even adults might fall prey to this deceptive notion of love.

But it’s entirely understandable. Unless you’re like my friend, who somehow knew everything he wanted in a girl even though he has never been in a relationship before, chances are… you’re just going head first without thinking about the big picture. After all, it’s your first time in a relationship, and you’re just head over heels in this affection-filled sphere that you’ve been deprived of for so, so long.

All the intricacies that define true love? You’re too busy for that.

As a result, your first relationship’s more often than not a serious case of puppy love, regardless of whether you met in school, or in your workplace. And that’s also why it’s so improbable that your first love will be your true love. When situated right in front of affection and a desire to try something out, rationality usually hops right out of the window. And so, the first relationship you got into has all the hallmarks of a fling;

But none of true love.


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Though of course, there are special cases out there. A vivid minority of relationships, in which one or even both parties were dating virgins beforehand, do manage to work out in the long run. But as specified, they’re the minority. The majority, on the other hand, often collapses in a mess not seen since Donald Trump’s hair got blown off.

And thus, I end off this article with my personal answer: your first love will probably never be your true love. But there will be the occasional exception, the odd scenario in which it comes true.

So hold on to that thought, because in the end: you decide what you want.

Proverbs simply lend a pathway for you to tread on.

Featured Image: Makistock / Shutterstock.com


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