Sometime last year, I was on one of my frequent mindless e-browsing runs when I stumbled upon this particularly viral video by local Youtube channel Wah!Banana:
Titled ‘My Girlfriend Is Sherlock Holmes’, the video is as the name implies: it features a trio of girls who rely on Holmes-level deduction skills to ascertain potential ‘dangers’ to their relationships, as well as the prospect of their boyfriends cheating on them.
And as it turns out, the girlfriends were right most of the time.
A guy’s worst fear, I would imagine.
Thankfully, however, it’s but a YouTube video, and such characters are surely limited to the 2-D platform-
“Hold my beer.”
Now, one would normally use the weighing machine for three things:
- Weighing yourself
- Weighing yourself after you poop and screaming in joy because you thought you lost weight but you actually just lost fluids which you’re gonna gain back soon anyway
- ‘Weighing yourself’
But it seems that the innocent-looking device is not, in fact, so innocent after all considering how it abetted an entire plot…
A plot revolving around a woman’s cheating boyfriend.
So apparently, it all started with the most romantic idea to have graced the lives of couples:
PlayerUnknown’s Battlegrounds (PUBG).
Airplane, airplane, sorry I’m ‘dead’
But before that, here’s a tragic-sounding backstory: as the couple worked in places that were far from each other, they had to live separately. In order to keep up communications, however, they would indulge in online games together frequently, in addition to meeting three to four times a week.
And right, back to the original topic.
So one particular night, as they played PUBG together, the boyfriend mentioned that he had heard the sound of a plane and wished to pick up the “airdrop” (a feature in the game).
The woman, however, failed to pick up on any sounds, and she also failed to find any planes in the game. It was then that she started smelling a rat.
A rather promiscuous rat.
(The following are screenshots of a WeChat conversation belonging to the woman in question)
But I didn’t hear the sound. Even when I tried hard to spot the plane in the sky (within the game), I don’t see any airdrop, nor smoke.
He had already done this twice before. He would say he heard the sound of a plane but could not find any plane at all.
I thought that was weird.
Think about it. If he could hear the sound, but I couldn’t, what does it mean?
Could it be possible that he heard the sound of a real plane? You can hear the sound in many places near the airport. The place I interned at previously was also near an airport.
If he could hear the sound of planes often, then he should have already realised that he heard wrongly, right?
I know he lives in the city centre, and there’s definitely no airport nearby. He might have been at a different place that day, and that place is close to the airport.
She then questioned him on his whereabouts, to which he replied that he’ll be at home the whole night.
I pretended to ask him about his whereabouts, and he told me that he will be at home the whole night.
If he said he was at a colleague’s place, I would have believed him. But too bad he lied.
I thought of many ways that night to find out if he was really cheating on me. I know that I have to look at his phone. But I can’t really do that while he’s asleep as he’s a light sleeper and wakes up easily.
Thereafter, I paid a visit to his condo. It was a while before I realised something.
I have blonde short hair, and his hair is not long either. But there were a few strands of long hair stuck in his shower drain.
So someone definitely came over. This can’t be wrong.
Evidently livid, she expressed that she wasn’t going to “let it go”.
You think I would just let it go like this? Things are just getting started.
I thought of a plan later, and fine-tuned it to make it even better.
Asking her boyfriend out for a meal together, she set her plan in motion; giving him a weighing scale while jokingly telling him that he had become ‘bigger’.
Incidentally, the weighing scale was connected to an app, which she helped download on the guy’s phone.
She then turned the notifications off, though the various health-related information will still be visible on the app.
The weighing scale was subsequently placed at the most obvious spot in his home.
Sherlock Holmes; is that you?!
After a few days, our cunning protagonist heads over to her boyfriend’s house for the ultimate revelation.
Stating that she wished to check her own weight, the woman began checking her information on the app. It was then that she found out: someone weighing 47kg had used the scale recently.
Deducting that it wasn’t her, as she was 170cm tall and weighed 60kg, and that it couldn’t be her boyfriend as he wasn’t that light, she deduced that the ‘perpetrator’ should be the long-haired girl (whose hair had been found in the boyfriend’s shower drain).
Woman: I know that he’s lazy and would not use the weighing scale again after using it once. But most girls would, or rather, most people would. When they see a weighing scale, they would want to weigh themselves. But I was just taking a gamble.
And my bets were right, sister.
It was exactly the same as what I’ve deduced. When I don’t see him, he would go find his other girlfriend. And her apartment is near the airport. Occasionally, when he’s busy, she’ll come over to his place instead and spend the night there.
Woman: It’s better to be single, there wouldn’t be so much scheming then.
Friend: You’re the real MVP, I take my hat off to you.
Well, I’ll be damned; Sherlock Holmes seems to be real. Are you seeing this, Benepick Cumperpatch?!
Alas, judging by the last few lines, it seems that our PUBG couple… is no more. Though whether it’s a sad ending or an actual silver lining in the cloud…
It remains to be seen.
Nevertheless, it’s time to step up your game, guys. For if there’s one proven Sherlock…
It’s only logical to expect more.
Although of course, if you can just keep your dong in your pants the whole time, there’ll be no need to worry at all. As a Hongkie once said:
“Be a man; do the right thing.”
Or just don’t anyhowly use any weighing machine. It could be a trap.
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