Halfway through a routine trek in the Sahara Desert, I encountered a genie. Looking like it hasn’t slept for days, it asked me:
“Young man, as customary of genie traditions, I’m required to offer you three wishes. But because I haven’t slept for days and hate your face, I shall offer you just one, and even then it’s an option-based one.”
Before I could even speak, he added: “First option: a billion bucks, endless booze and chicks, and plenty of cheap thrills.”
Wow, sounds good to me, I thought.
“Second option, a lifetime supply of luncheon meat.”
Why luncheon meat?!
After plenty of consideration, coupled with death stares from the genie, I made my decision. In total it took roughly 1.99 milliseconds to make up my mind.
“I see,” it whispered upon hearing my answer. “So be it.”
But because the genie was so damn sleepy, it freaking screwed up.
As a result, I’m now forced to entertain countless topless chicks in my ten-storey bungalow, and numerous cheap thrills I didn’t goddamn ask for.
Dammit, I just want my luncheon meat!
In case you’re wondering, that little skit was incorporated to showcase just how amazing luncheon meat is.
Incidentally, I like this one.
Although honestly, I will consume any brand; my personal philosophy is that you just can’t go wrong with luncheon meat.
But contrary to popular beliefs (or at least mine), there are actually ways to make it even more delicious.
Interested? Let’s go.
Hack No. 1: Airfry
I know what you’re thinking. Isn’t airfrying supposed to be healthy? Doesn’t healthy equate to bland? Does bland even dare to touch the pedestal of the term ‘delicious’?
But that’s where you’re wrong.
Note: you don’t have to specifically procure Philips for this.
Now, air-frying luncheon meat doesn’t just offer a healthier version of luncheon meat, fry wise.
It tastes better.
Of course, it could be a simple matter of personal taste, but I like the crispy, fried texture without additional canola oil seeping through.
Hack No. 2: Eat it with Mayonnaise
A wise old man once said: “Anything tastes good with mayonnaise.”
And I agree. Calorie-laden as it is, mayonnaise is da bomb.
So what happens when you pair it with luncheon meat?
Hack No. 3: Eggs
No, I’m not talking about your totally mainstream luncheon meat & egg sandwich. But I can’t deny that it tastes like literal heaven.
Rather, I’m talking about frying your luncheon meat. With eggs.
Now, there are three ways to go about it:
The 70% Egg 30% Meat Combee
The 70% Meat 30% Egg Combee
The 50% Meat 50% Egg Combee (Luncheon Meat Egg Roll)
Though whichever way you choose to go about it, there’s only one result.
A SURREAL EXPLOSION IN YOUR MOUTH.
Hack No. 4: Bacon-wrapped Luncheon Meat
Luncheon meat is good on its own.
But wrap it in bacon?
I never thought I’ll ever say “Saranghae” when I eat something, but this.
Hack No. 5: Cheese
If bacon over luncheon meat isn’t your thing, but you’re a sucker for them wrappers, how about cheese?
Like mayo, you can’t go wrong with cheese.
And these luncheon meat cheese wraps are literally to die for.
Just chop some luncheon meat up, get a couple of diced cheddar cheese and a few pockets, and you’re set for a soluncheonlicious meal!
Hack No. 6: Spaghetti
Spaghetti is terrific on its own.
Throw in a couple of diced luncheon meat?
For this one, you can pretty much go free and easy. But if you want some pointers, my colleague has expressed that aglio olio is a great option to go with those diced spam!
Hack No. 7: Doubledown
You’ve heard of KFC’s Doubledown.
While it’s undeniably sinful, it’s also undeniably shiok.
But here’s an idea: swap out those breaded chicken patties, and slot in some stir-fried luncheon meat patties.
And in the middle, we recommend a slice of cheese or bacon, just to add that extra kick. Heck, add a dollop of mayo or ketchup while at it!
Hack No. 8: Sambal chili
This one is for the spicy-lovers out there.
As a wise, married man in my office once said: “Sambal chili goes with everything.” To which I don’t exactly agree, but hey, to each his/her own.
So anyway, sambal chili might be an adventurous take on your usual luncheon meat routine.
Just dip that spam into the chili paste and enjoy that tantalizing blend of spice and pork!
Hack No. 9: French toast
Luncheon meat sandwiches are definitely mainstream.
But how about french toast luncheon meat sandwiches?
Trust me; these are worth the calories.
Who needs exercise when you can indulge in french toast and luncheon meat? Pfft.
Hack No. 10: Baked beans
It’s common knowledge that baked beans are a common staple in any western breakfast.
But did you know that it goes exceptionally well with luncheon meat as well?
All that goodness!
So you know what to do.
Get cracking in the kitchen, and dish up some luncheon meat hacks that even Gordon Ramsay himself would be impressed!
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This article was first published on goodyfeed.com
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Featured image: Kai Huang via says.com
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