Step aside, Deadpool. There’s a new hero in town, and it doesn’t talk anywhere as much as you. In fact…
It doesn’t even talk to you.
Meet Bollardman, the superhero we so desperately need…
But most definitely do not deserve.
Now, do not mistake its soft, silent demeanour for weakness. The bollard, while unassuming in appearance, is actually really really strong. In fact, I reckon it wouldn’t lose in an arm wrestling match with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
If it had hands anyway.
So without further ado, let’s unearth some facts about this cool, sturdy new addition to the superhero multiverse…
And may it stop even the mighty Thanos.
1. As I said, it’s really strong.
I know I said it already, but I would just like to reiterate it because recently it actually stopped a goddamn sports car.
Yeah, no kidding. Mr Bollard stopped Sportscar-kun when it swerved to avoid a motorcyclist.
In fact, had Bollard not sacrificed its body, the sports car would have headed for a mini crowd, and one could only imagine that chaos that would have erupted.
So sincerely from the bottoms of our hearts, thank you, Bollard Senpai.
2. But isn’t that what a bollard is supposed to do
And in answer, I ask this:
“Do you see every office worker producing results? Is every single boss being exceptionally bossy?”
Indeed, not everyone can do its job, and do it well. And Bollardman, I’m proud to say, encapsulates that enviable never dying spirit of doing its job.
Incidentally, its job scope isn’t easy either:
To control road traffic and posts designed to avert ram raiding and car ramming attacks.
With such a dangerous job description in mind, only Bollardman would be willing to do it.
So from the bottom of my heart…
3. Different types
Like Digimon, there are various types of bollards. Unlike Digimon, however, they can’t actually change forms.
Anyway, here’re the various types of bollards for your bollard referencing:
As well as flexible, race, dragon’s teeth and bollard lights.
Suffice it to say; each might serve its own purpose, but they all serve to deliver the same core result:
Contribute to society’s safety.
Though we’re more familiar with the traffic ones, but anyways.
Bollardman might be indomitable.
But if it doesn’t look good, it still isn’t gonna get laid.
As such, it seems that some artists have taken it upon themselves to give these bollards some classic makeovers.
Who says that bollards have to be dull and plain-looking?
Superheroes look good too, right? Have you seen how fit VR Man is?
5. Numerous other applications
It seems that bollards are a really underrated species, as they’ve been claimed to be of use in these other establishments:
- Leisure Parks
- Fire Access Lanes
- Building Setbacks
- Sports Field
- Traffic Gates
- Site Utilities
- Bus Em/Debarkation
- Toll Booth
- Bicycle Lane
- Traffic Medians
- Site Perimeters
- Store Fronts
- Building Hardening
- Vehicle Parking
- Site Access Control
- Site Surveillance
- Vehicle Pick-Up
Truly, one can’t help but wonder where we would be, had bollards not flown into space when their home planet deemed them surplus of demand (?).
These unsung heroes apparently only appeared in the news after saving some lives, so please don’t sit / lean on them anymore. Unless you’re strong like them.
6. What is bollards made of?
It’s made of courage, but we all know that.
Technically, it’s usually made of durable or stainless steel and surrounded with concrete. It’s usually cored into the ground so it won’t fly away like some cartoon sticks. Lifting one up is as difficult as lifting up Thor’s hammer.
In conclusion, don’t get a hubby.
Get a bollard.
Seeing how it’s so strong, sturdy, protective and all-around manly, I reckon it’s better than 99.99999% of the guys out there (maybe save for Steven Lim).
In the meantime, if you’re reading this while waiting for a bus, kiss one because it’s there to save your life when you least expected it.
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