when you’re young (and less wise), your dream guy must be rich, handsome and treats you like a princess.
Most of the time, you’d be surprised to find that your boyfriend is rarely anything but those mentioned above.
But if you’re in a relationship long enough, you’ll be asking yourself these questions instead: is he the one you can tahan for life? #PrioritiesChanged
Can I see myself walking hand-in-hand with him when we’re old and withered, ambling along slowly and getting tched by rude teenagers on e-bikes?
Will he still take photos of me at the coffee shop when I’m old and not as pretty anymore?
Well, if you can see 8 out of 10 of these signs in your relationship, you might as well propose to him liao.
Especially the last one.
1. He talks to you about his troubles
Do you and your boyfriend talk about each other’s day? Does he talk about his troubles and cry on your shoulder?
If he does (and you do as well), then tie that dude down. No, not the fifty shades kind.
Most guys would want to appear strong and manly in front of the girl they want to impress, but that’s because they’re afraid you’d run away.
A guy who’s willing to open himself up and appear vulnerable to you means he has complete faith in you and trusts you to stay by his side.
And he believes that he’ll do the same too.
2. He can laugh at himself
People always say that humour is one of the top qualities that women are looking for in men. And that’s true, but what kind of humour, though?
If you have a partner who puts you down and calls it a “joke” all the time, leave the relationship immediately. Because it’s toxic.
However, he is someone who has the ability to laugh at himself more than laughing at others, it’s a whole different story.
According to Dr Gary Brown, a marriage counsellor in Los Angeles, it simply means that he is humble.
And that’s an important trait. You’ll see why.
3. He gives in from time to time despite hating to lose
We all want to win, especially in Singapore where we’re taught that losing is not an option.
Remember your parents comparing kids’ accomplishments during CNY? Yup.
But if your partner is able to give in from time to time, maybe going on that roller coaster ride even though he has a fear of heights, marry him.
According to Michael Gurian, a marriage and family counsellor in America, the third stage of marriage will have couples engaging in a power struggle against each other.
That’s after the honeymoon period where couples think their partners have changed and tries to change them back to how they were before marriage.
And if couples are not able to give in from time to time, the marriage deal is off.
4. They don’t diss their exes but they don’t miss them either
Guys always joke that this is a killer question from girlfriends: hey, how’s June (your ex-girlfriend)? I saw her on Facebook the other day saying she won some awards.
If he disses her, don’t be too happy.
According to Laurel Steinberg, Ph.D., a New York-based clinical sexologist, relationship therapist, and professor of psychology at Columbia University, it’s not a good thing.
If he disses on her, that means he’s still harbouring some kind of bad feelings about his previous relationship. Typically, that also means that he’s imposing some kind of expectations on your relationship.
Relationships like these usually don’t last.
5. When you fight, there are no kicks below the belt
Yes, we get that in the heat of the moment, you’ll say things that both of you regret. But how badly? That’s the question.
When a couple has been together for a while, they’ll know each other’s weak points.
If your partner is willing to (or has already) used attack those weak points during fights, like that shameful thing your ex forced you to do in the past, it’s bad news for you.
Marriage consists of a great many things: bliss, happiness, bills and many, many fights.
Unless you’re prepared to be hurt badly, you should consider your options again. Because one of these days, you won’t be able to stand it anymore and leave.
6. You’re not saying sorry all the time
In a typical relationship, there’s a dominant personality and a more submissive personality. Again, I’m not talking about fifty shades of grey.
I’m referring to who gets their way more. We’ve spoken about how giving in is essential for every relationship, but how about taking responsibility?
When something goes wrong, who’s willing to take responsibility for the mess? If you find yourself saying sorry all the time, it might not mean that you’re a bad girlfriend.
It might mean that your partner is not willing to take responsibility for his screw-ups, which is not something you might want in a husband.
But then again, even if they apologise, that’s only step one.
7. Your partner changes after apologising
Step two is change.
If he keeps doing the same thing again despite apologising, then he just doesn’t change easily.
And that’s a bad sign because according to Michael Gurian, things changes in a relationship all the time.
Which is true, because who wants a relationship that stays the same forever? Isn’t that boring?
If he expects you to stay pretty, to spend the same amount of time accompanying him despite the fact that you were just promoted and has to spend more time at work, you’re going to have huge problems.
He’s going to restrict your activities, throw tantrums whenever you don’t do anything that you did two years ago and make your marriage a living hell.
8. He isn’t clingy or possessive
Okay, this is common sense but it bears repeating.
Because it’s an essential quality, not just for husbands, but boyfriends as well. If your partner is someone who is clingy or possessive, it might just mean that he’s not self-sufficient enough.
And someone who’s not self-sufficient and unable to give himself happiness and support will never be able to provide that for you, according to Sharp.
9. He treats other people well
You know what they say, right? What he behaves like with other people is typically a sign of how he’ll treat you.
Watch how he interacts with strangers and staff in service positions. According to Dr Gary Brown, a person who treats other people well indicates that he has compassion within him.
And that same trait is a sign that he’ll treat you well during your marriage.
10. You’re asking yourself these questions
And this is probably the most important sign on the list: You, yourself.
Remember the questions I’ve asked at the beginning of this article?
If you find yourself entertaining the possibilities, wondering if he’s the right person for you, whether you’re willing to risk it all for him, chances are you’re ready to get married to him.
And if you want to propose but is just too shy to do it, just show him this article.
It’s a pretty big hint, don’t you think?
Okay lah, fine, let me help you…
You’re welcome! 😉
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