So you think you game. You think you’re a gamer, with your funny little mobile ‘games’ like Candy Crush or some such. Well, newsflash, bucko. You’re wrong. You’re not a real gamer unless you’re goddamn addicted playing real games, like me. Here are 10 signs that you might be turning into a real gamer.
(Oh God I need help)
WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, the list.
1. Using Gaming Terms IRL
You need to be using gaming terms all the time. Yes, even outside of playing games. Especially outside of playing games. Speaking of which, what are you doing not playing games? GG noob go play some games right now, before I TP over there and gank you.
If you couldn’t understand what I just said, you’re already too weak.
2. Talk Only About Games
All your conversations should be about gaming. What is your favourite game, what was your favourite game, what your favourite game should be like. Also what games are coming out, what those should be like, and what games should be coming out.
Also how you should always talk about games.
Gaming, gaming, games.
(shit it’s starting to sound like it’s not an actual word)
3. Skip Meals for Gaming
You should always be gaming. See, one mistake people make is that they think you should only game in your down time, like normal hobbies. But the thing is, we’re going for an addiction here. This means you should skip unnecessary things like eating. It’s not like we need to eat to survive or anything.
Actually, higher level gamers could find ways to combine both, having their meals while gaming. This, unfortunately, requires food to make itself.
4. Skip Sleep for Gaming
Once you’ve made the important step of skipping meals, why not go one step further and skip sleep? I’m not talking about sleeping late, or sleeping in the morning. I’m talking about cutting down on sleep to the max. Play through the night, and through the day, and if you really can’t do it, sneak a quick nap during loading screens.
5. SKIP GAMING FOR GAMING
Congratulations, now you’re almost a lean, mean, gaming machine. Since you’ve basically skipped everything to game, the logical next step is to SKIP GAMING FOR GAMING. Allow me to explain.
In order to demonstrate how hardcore you are at gaming, randomly interrupt your gaming sessions to change games. So you can game while you game, and skip gaming sessions for gaming sessions, eventually reaching unprecedented levels of ironic gaming.
6. Withdrawal Effects
As this is probably the first time you’re attempting the conversion into the most hardcore (read: addicted) gamer ever, your body might start to complain, and force you to stop gaming through pesky methods such as falling unconscious.
You’ll know if you reached the desired level if you start experiencing some withdrawal effects, such as uncontrollable shaking when you’re away from your preferred gaming device, sweating and nervousness when you’re not playing a game and much more fun stuff.
7. Own More Games Than Anything Else
To show your undying adoration of gaming in any form, most of your possessions should now be gaming related, if not actual games themselves. Do you still have money? If you said yes, wrong answer. Why do you still have money? Is money gaming related? Exactly.
8. Spend Money on Nothing But Gaming Stuff
Which brings us to the next point: spending all your money on games and gaming related things. When I say all, I mean all. Max out your credit cards, spend all your savings, and you should probably sell all the unnecessary things in your home. Nothing else matters now. Only gaming.
9. Be Spoilt for Choice
Now that your possessions are all games or gaming related, you should have a new problem uh… situation. Like a lady/dude/whoever who bought too many clothes, now you should be unable to choose a game to play. You’ll stare at your extensive Library, frozen in front of the sheer number of choices. Feel the indecision. Embrace it. It is your life now.
10. BECOME THE GAME (help)
Your life is now games. Games and your life are indistinguishable from each other at this point. There is only one last step, as you transcend real life and enter the infinite paradise of the virtual world of games.
You must become the game.
Use whatever you can and whatever you have at hand to craft yourself a costume or any equipment you require to turn yourself into the game character of your desires. You have finally attained the last and highest form of gaming addiction. Games are more than your life now. They are bigger than all of us.
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