Very unfortunately, some of us actually spend more waking hours in the office than at home. Singapore, being such a competitive society, has turned many workers into zombies.

But despite that, there are many different types of zombie workers.

Hard to believe? Read on and I bet you’ll go, “yeah, that’s Ms Lo” or “yeah, that’s John”.

1. The Gossip

There is always one big gossip in the office. Now this person has his/her eyes and ears open for anything and everything juicy.

Rumours of promotion? This person will tell the whole office by lunch.

Got scolded by your boss for coming late? This person knows and now everyone also knows.

Accidentally farted during a presentation? Well, you can be sure that if this person is there, your whole office knows about it.

Basically, whatever news they can spread about people to make you look bad and make them look good, they are on it!

No matter how trivial.

And be careful, cuz even if no one trusts the Gossip, it’s likely that people will want to be their friend just to know what’s up and scope out the nitty gritty details of others in the office to use the info to get ahead.

By the way, this person isn’t in the publicity department, lest you’re wondering (what a waste of talent, no?).

2. The Backstabber

Even worse than the Gossip is the Backstabber.

Cuz you won’t know who this person is until they have stabbed you or someone else in the back.

They will be your friend at first, taking a great deal of interest in you, your personal life, your work and so on.

But they are just making a mental note of all the information they can use against you to get ahead in the office and in their careers.

And when you least expect it, they strike.

Usually, by now, you didn’t even know where you get the wound from.

3. The Boss’s Pet

If you think this person doesn’t exist in your workplace, I’m sorry to say this but it’s probably you.

I mean this one is just like in school lah!

The Boss’s pet will make sure that he/she is doing everything to make the Boss’s life easier and will probably not let anyone else get too close to the Boss because he/she is always hovering around.

You often find yourself having to get through them to get to your Boss – sort of like the boss’s personal Chief of Staff.

They want to make sure they are doing everything they can to be liked and favourited plus plus by the boss so if the Boss says jump, they ain’t gonna be asking why. They’re just gonna be asking ‘how high ah, boss’?

4. The ‘Too Cool For School’

This is the macham rebel of the office. They are ‘too cool’ to participate in any office politics so they avoid it.

You ask them anything and they will be like “sorrryyyy, this doesn’t concern me!”

They are only there to do work and to get their paycheck and probably think that that if they get ahead, it will only be through their work and not because of office politics.

But sorry ah, rebels, by actively choosing to ‘not participate’, you are still participating.

Cuz if you are part of the office you are already involved, man!

And if you really avoid any kind of office relationships (not talking about the romantic kind ah, please), you probably will end up falling under the radar.

Which isn’t good for your career.

5. The Hard Worker

Now this person also doesn’t really actively take part in office politics.

But he/she makes everyone else look bad by working really hard.

And outshining his/her colleagues.

People probably resent this person. They come early, stay late, are early to meet deadlines and seem to have no life outside the office.

Which makes their work exceptional. But ah, this person really spoil market to the max.

Cuz you look bad compared to them! Not because you are bad, but because this person can really be quite extra.

(Sorry Boss I’m just being honest)

6. The Actor

This person knows when to do what.

But they are annoying AF.

Because when the cameras are rolling (aka when the boss is looking), they work damn hard.

Boss not looking? They will chill like nobody’s business.

They are super talented in doing the least amount of work but making it look like they are doing the most.

Though, you’ve got to admit, most office workers are actors…but the Actor’s acting skills are so high-level, you can see smiles vanishing within nanosecond the moment the boss’s eyes turned away

#LevelBeyond99

7. The Opportunist

This person knows that connections are everything.

If you want to get ahead, you gotta play smart. After all, like what many would say, your network is your net worth.

So if there are any events or opportunities to mingle and network?

He’s on it.

This person sees opportunity in every situation. And they make use of those opportunities to forge ahead in their careers.

So if they offer to help you out for nothing in return, it’s probably because helping you advantages them in some way.

This is not necessarily a bad thing. We could all stand to be more opportunistic.

It’s just that…can they not be that obvious?

8. Mr/Miss ‘Helpful’

This person is known around the office for being super nice.

Like genuinely and sincerely nice.

You need help with anything? They are there for you.

Doesn’t even have to be work-related. If you have any personal issues, they are more than willing to lend a ear and offer up some sage advice.

By being super helpful, not only do they put themselves in good standing with everyone in the office, they also put themselves in good standing with managers and bosses.

They are super likeable, so when they get any kind of promotion or benefits, generally people don’t get too salty over it.

And hey, these are the people most likely to buy back souvenirs from their trips for the office cuz again, they are just so nice.

I, well, happen to be one of them.

(Editor’s note: You kidding who?)

9. The Leader

Nope, I’m not talking about the Boss man/lady here.

I’m talking about the informal leader of the office.

This person usually plans who goes with them on office lunches, or after-work drinks.

They are influential and charismatic, and they use this to their advantage.

They are usually in good standing with the Boss, have good connections and are generally the type of people you would want to know to move forward in your career.

But they can be pretty tight with who they ‘let in’ their little posse, so it’s best to just play ball with them if you’re not in the group.

And yeah, we all love him five minutes before lunchbreak, because he’ll always lead us to a decision on the most difficult question in everyday work: “Eat what?”

10. The Sabo King

This person is one to really watch out for. Cuz they will sabo you till the end of the world if it means they get what they want.

For example if the boss asks them to do something and to get someone to help, they will be like, but Boss I asked XYZ person but they said they don’t want to help leh…but it’s okay, I can do it myself.

And if you happened to be that person, even if they never asked you for help, you have to maintain professionalism instead of arguing like a child in front of your Boss.

Even though it makes you look bad.

Cuz you gotta pick between looking bad or looking very bad.

Basically they will sabo and sabo and sabo so they end up on top lah. You’re the ladder to his success.

So, which one are you?

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