Having a bad day? No worries, these jokes will get you through the day. Just remember to take breaths while you’re laughing!
1. What to wear to bed?
Why does Ah Beng wear a tie and suit to sleep at night?
Answer: He is being prepared because he may meet someone important in his dreams.
2. Lightning Strikes
Ah Lian: Why did the palm tree get struck by lightning?
Ah Beng: Because it suay lah.
3. A Teacher
Teacher: Ah Beng, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Ah Beng: A teacher
4. Ah Beng went for job interview
After reading the application form completed by Ah Beng:
Interviewer: ” We have an… opening for you! ”
Ah Beng: “What is it? ”
Interviewer: “ The door!”
5. Why is lightning faster than thunder?
Ah Beng and Ah Lian were on the beach on a stormy night. There were lightning and thunder all over the place.
Ah Lian asked Ah Beng, “Why is it we always see the lightning before we hear the thunder?”
Ah Beng replied, “Aiyo. So simple you also don’t know. Because our eyes are in front of our ears mah!”
6. Ah Beng’s Theory on English Spelling
Aoccdrnig to Ah Beng’s theroy on Enlgish, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe.
7. Future Tense
Teacher: “I killed a person” convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng: The future tense is “you will go to jail”
How do you recognize Ah Beng in school?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
9. Can or not
Ah Lian: Can I have a coke can?
Ah Beng: Can cannot but bottle can.
10. Prawn Noodle
Ah Lian: Why this prawn have broken legs?
Ah Beng: It’s a LAME SIA.
11. Study Hard
Ah Beng: I am proud because my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying?
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are studying him.
Ah Beng: If I die, will you remarry?
Ah Lian: No! I’ll stay with my sister. But if I die will you remarry?
Ah Beng: No, I’ll also stay with your sister.
13. A Walk in the Park
Ah Beng: People consider me as a “GOD”
Ah Lian: How do you know?
Ah Beng: When I went to the park today, everybody said, “Oh GOD! You have come again.”
14. Watching TV
Ah Beng complained to the police: “Sir, all items are missing leh, except the TV in my house.”
Police: “How come the thief didn’t take TV?”
Ah Beng: “I was watching the TV mah”
15. Car park
Ah Beng comes back to his car & finds a note saying “Parking Fine”
He writes this note and sticks it to a pole: “Thankew for kind words.”
16. Watering the plant
Ah Beng told his servant: “Go and water the plants!”
Servant: “It’s already raining.”
Ah Beng: “So what? Take an umbrella and go.”
17. Weather Forecast
Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So a man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
18. Time Zone Difference
Ah Beng called a telephone operator.
Ah Beng: “Could you tell me the time difference between Singapore and London?”
Operator: “Just a minute…”
Ah Beng : “Thank you” *puts down the phone*
19. Ordering food at an Italian Restaurant
To impress Ah Lian, Ah Beng took her to a very expensive Italian restaurant. After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu but could not understand anything as it was all in Italian.
Still wanting to impress Ah Lian, he went down the list in the menu and decided to pick the last item.
Ah Beng confidently told the waiter “We’ll have the last item, Giuseppe Spomdalucci.”.
The waiter replied, “I am sorry, Sir, that’s the name of the owner.”
20. Ah Beng’s love
Ah Beng wrote to his former girlfriend.
Dear Ah Lian,
I could not sleep well ever since we broke off our engagement leh. I know all my fault. You are the world to me. I don’t know how I can live without you. Think of all the wonderful things we had and the dreams we could realize together. You are my love, my sweet, my dreams of dreams.
You are everything I ever wanted in my life. Forgive me and we get back together?
Yours sincerely, Ah Beng.
P.S. By the way, congratulation on winning the 4D last week, darling.
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