Canned Fried Chicken Exists & You Can Buy It On Amazon Japan

2019-08-31 , 9:00 am

As all of you probably know, the world is ending in all sorts of fashion. Like climate change, Amazon fires, Hong Kong happenings, US-China things, and when I take away chicken rice just now, they forgot to give me the chilli.

But hey, don’t say it’s not affecting us here in Singapore. Lakes in S’pore are drying up and our vegetation is having football-field-sized fires. Y

ou really have to wonder if the surveys asking if S’poreans are happy to die tomorrow isn’t hinting at something.

All I’m saying is… when the world is ending, people build survival kits. Like the Brexit survival kits.

Look into your heart. What food do you truly want in a survival kit?

Is it plain ass biscuits? NO!

Is it some bland stew? NO!

Or is it warm rice? BIG NO!

Look deeper into your desires… and remember that taste. In the middle of the apocalypse… Every building is falling down and the fires are going strong.

But when you bite into this, it’s a satisfying crunch that somehow makes everything feel a little better.

It may look impossible, but fried chicken in the middle of the apocalypse? Maybe it is now, because…

Canned Fried Chicken on Amazon Japan for 1296 Yen (S$17.08) per 6 cans

Teriyaki Mayo flavour/ Image: Amazon Japan

Yeah, while reading depressing news and preparing your own survival kit, you’ll probably never have thought about fried chicken being available in the future where we only eat from cans.

But it is.

And it’s even made with Japanese chicken.

Here are the links, in case you just wanna jump straight into it already:

But, how does it taste?

Is this the dream? Can I eat fried chicken while zombies are chewing away at my legs? At Goody Feed we aren’t patient enough to order the goods for our own opinions, so we did the next best thing and scoured the web for reviews from Japanese sources.

SoraNews24: Think of Them as “Canned Chicken” and Not “Canned Karaage”

Left: Wafu Shoyu, Right: Umakara/ Image: SoraNews24

Eep. Don’t sound good right from the get-go, if we were to trust reviews from SoraNews24.

They first ate it straight from the can, and said the consistency was like “canned-tuna”. The Umakara (which they called pirikara even though I checked the dictionary which says Umakara) reminded them of sweet and sour chicken.

But then, they microwaved it for 30 seconds which made it juicier and more uniform in texture. Both of them doesn’t taste bad, even though they aren’t karaage (Japanese fried chicken).

At this point, I refused to believe that Japan has failed to deliver us crispy fried chicken made for Armageddon, so I looked towards the Japanese webs armed with a dictionary.

はいじぃ迷作劇場: Like karaage left in the bento

Which was disappointing, yet again. The chicken was neither crisp, juicy, nor tender.

But my mind refused to accept that crispy fried chicken in cans isn’t possible, so I went searching for more.

ポッキーの休憩所: Oishii

…and I found them. A bunch of Japanese eating the karaage straight out of the can, and saying “Oishii”.

The reviewers didn’t say anything about the texture, but that’s all that I needed to hear.

But Here’s When It Hit Me

All these reviewers didn’t consider the possibility of using the rising temperatures as a method to make the karaage crispy again.

Think about it. In the apocalypse, would you be eating canned foods comfortably like this?

You’d open the can, open your doors, and let the outside temperatures cook your chicken. Adapting to climate change, baby!

Logical conclusion: this is the perfect product.