#FastFoodFriday: KFC Waffle Original Recipe Double Down Review: Only Worth the Calories at 3:00 a.m.

It is three in the morning, and you’re crying yourself to sleep.

Or maybe you’re sleep-deprived and working on that project that you need to be completed by tomorrow.

Or maybe it’s because life is slapping you across the face.

Either way, times are tough.

Work is hard.

The mind is breaking.

Sleep is for the weak.

You need a hug…

A very special kind of hug that’s only found in a plane of existence not on the physical level that human touch can replicate.

It’s the kind of hug that appeals to your emotions. Something that only some oily son of a fried hen can give you.

You phone a visit to the Colonel of Kentucky, the father of fried chicken and the God of the 11 spices.

“Just f*** my sh*t up with that double down waffle thing,” you tell the equally depressed underpaid guy on the other side of the phone.

“I gotchu fam,” came the reply.

Except the whole phone thing didn’t happen and it was all in your mind because KFC uses an app now.

Also, KFC doesn’t deliver at 3:00 a.m., so the whole story above doesn’t make any sense.

Anyway, that’s the best scenario to eat this Waffle Original Recipe Double Down thing. That’s a mouthful, so let’s call it the Wabble Down.

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, ‘Wabble’ means “to move or proceed with an irregular rocking or staggering motion or unsteadily and clumsily from side to side“, which is perfect for the state I would like to find myself in when I eat this.

That’s a compliment. Kind of.

Here’s How It Tastes

Imagine this: Two shrooms burger patties, or two halves of a KFC Chicken Steak, envelope a waffle in a big hug, showering it with the white drippings of (artificial) maple syrup mixed with mayonnaise.

It’s as obscene as it sounds.

That’s a bite.

It’s sweet from the maple syrup, forming an even coat around the waffle.

Skin: crispy. Mayonnaise: not much. Waffle: tastes like freezer waffles, not fluffy and rather dense, bread-like. Chicken: original recipe.

It’s about everything I’d need from a freezer meal to microwave or defrost to eat so I can binge watch Stranger Things (because Eggos) and report sick for work the next day.

But somehow, this wasn’t as unhealthy as I wanted it to be. I wanted more of those crunchy, crispy bits of good old cholesterol dancing between on my tongue.

I wanted more maple sweetness screaming Canada as they violate the waffle. I wanted something bigger than the old Double Down.

I wanted all that so I can rebel against the people trying to sell me the sham of a healthy lifestyle or a balanced diet.

Just for, you know, a night or maybe one day. Be a bad boi and eat some fried chicken.

But somehow, it doesn’t satisfy that kick.

4/5 rating if it’s 3:00 a.m. But since KFC doesn’t do midnight deliveries…

Rating: 2/5