If you’re not familiar with Neil Humphreys, he was a pretty funny correspondent on The New Paper, and was the writer of multiple books depicting Singapore’s many gimmicks and lifestyles.
Here’s a picture of him to brighten your day.
Anyway, aside from cracking people up with his articles (I used to be a huge fan of his satirical TNP articles), he’s also making people burst into laughter… in a Facebook post.
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Our dear Neil wanted to know whether there was a post office at Rivervale Mall, and had called Singpost to find out.
What followed resembled something out of a Will Ferrell movie.
Transcript:
Me: Hello, Singpost, I’m calling to confirm that there is a post office at Rivervale Mall.
Singpost phone guy: That is correct, sir.
Me: That there is a post office?
Singpost: That this is Singpost.
Me: Where?
Singpost: On the phone, sir.
Me: I know that.
Pause.
Me: So is there a post office at Rivervale Mall or is it just a SAM machine?
Singpost: That is correct, sir.
Me: What is?
Singpost: How can i help you today?
Me: For fuc… I mean, does Rivervale Mall have a post office?
Singpost: I’ll check for you sir. Where is the location?
Me: Rivervale Mall.
Singpost: I’ll check for you sir… Yes, that is correct, sir. The address is Eunos…
Me: Wait, what? Eunos? Rivervale Mall is in Sengkang.
Singpost: I’ll check for you, sir.
Me: No, you don’t have to check, sir. I know Rivervale Mall is Sengkang. Does it have a post office?
Singpost: I’ll check that for you sir.
Me: Thank you.
Singpost: What’s your name, sir?
Me: Neil
Singapost: Is that Nial?
Me: If you like.
Singpost: And your phone number?
Me: FOR FU… I’m sorry. why do you need my phone number. I just want to know if there’s a post office in Rivervale Mall. Yes or no?
Singpost: In case the line hangs up.
Me: Yes, I could see why that would happen a lot.
Pause.
Singpost: Yes, there is a post office at Rivervale Mall.
Me: Thank you.
Singpost: Do you need the address?
Me: It’s Eunos, right?
Singpost: No, sir. It’s…
Me: Never mind. You’re not based in Singapore are you, mate?
Singpost: No, I’m based overseas, sir.
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No kidding.
Singpost, I’m all for cost cutting (and certainly don’t blame poor bugger on the phone) but I’d grown a beard and lost will to live by time i was done.
(UPDATE: Went to Rivervale Mall. There is no post office, just a bloody SAM machine!!)
By the time he reached the end of the first paragraph I was already cracking up.
What made it even funnier was that Neil had gone to Rivervale Mall anyway, only to realize that there’s only a SAM kiosk there.
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Apology
After the Facebook post went viral with over 1.6k shares…
Singpost themselves had to step in.
Neil, being a naturally good guy, even intervened after Singpost had used the sentence ‘take the appropriate action’.
But I can’t help laughing at how he used the term ‘tekan’. The dude’s like the living representation of a foreigner being all Singaporeanized.
Thoughts
Overseas calls have always been problematic, with all the delays and stuff.
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But the funny thing’s that this doesn’t seem to be the first time.
I think it’s time to step up your game, SingPost. Nobody, I repeat, nobody, likes having to deal with admin matters on overseas calls.
Oh， what’s this? We’ve just received news that SingPost had admitted to using India call centres for operations!
According to Mothership, a SingPost spokesperson said that the company does “outsource” some calls to its call centres in India. Wow.
The workers over there are provided with a “knowledge-based management system” that supposedly gives them the answers they need. Well, doesn’t look like it worked out that well. Eunos and Sengkang??
To “make sure all’s good”, SingPost apparently conducts “quality assurance checks” every week, and audits in India every quarter.
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In view of the latest incident, SingPost will review protocols to improve things. Well you better, Singpost. Nothing’s worse than dealing with admin matters on overseas calls with WRONG information.
That’s like chocolate with meat and vegetables. It’s just wrong.
Alternatives
For you troubled SingPost patrons having the same queries as Neil, you could always check the website for info.
For those having ‘missing parcel’ problems and other troublesome admin queries, well…
Good luck.
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This article was first published on goodyfeed.com
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