Man Lies On Top Of Mistress To Shield Her From Angry Wife’s Attacks After Getting Caught Red-Handed

You’re out and about with your mistress, and as you hold her hand you can’t help but gush:

“Omg, you’re so beautiful. Why would you ever get together with a married man like me?”

She looks at you with a wry smile. “Money- I mean, love. The first time I saw you, I knew. This was opportunistic- I mean… love at first sight.”

“Oh honey,” you exclaim, leaning in for a rather sloppy kiss with your eyes closed.

“Mfmgpghdhd,” she replies, as she surreptitiously tries to evade your groping hand.

“YOU PAIR OF DOG MAN WOMAN,” a fierce voice echoes from behind, and almost instantaneously you leap away from her like she’s the plague. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN FRONT OF ME?”

“LISTEN DEAR,” you rasp. “IT’S NOT WHAT YOU THINK IT IS. SHE’S SADIELOVEX95CHEATCHEATYAY85, SOMEONE I MET ON MAPLE MOBILE! THIS WAS JUST A DATE TO SOLIDIFY OUR BLOOMING VIRTUAL PARTNERSHIP!”

“YOU SLUT,” your wife yells as she pushes Sadielovex95cheatcheatyay85 to the floor.

“Ooo, kinky,” you say without realising it. “What am I saying- STOP.”

“Get away from me you yellow-faced woman!” Sadielovex95cheatcheatyay85 screams as your wife proceeds to assault her. “GET AWAY FROM ME. HELP!”

At this point, both of them look at you. Gulping, you face three options:

• Run away and scream for your mommy
• Stand there and act like a bystander
• Throw yourself on top of Sadielovex95cheatcheatyay85 and tank the hits for her

“Seriously, is the third option even something people would do?”

Well, you’ll be surprised, as the following headline serves to surmise:

Man Lies On Top Of Mistress To Shield Her From Angry Wife’s Attacks After Getting Caught Red-Handed

Now the introductory paragraph might be a lil’ exaggerated, but the gist is true: a suspected cheating husband in China had been out with his mistress, and his wife had swiftly caught them in the act.

According to Daily Mail, the man’s wife had caught them red-handed and proceeded to assault the mistress, stomping on her legs and kicking her head. She even tries to strip the mistress, and her friends swiftly join in the attack.

But then, in a burst of spontaneous bravado, the man did what no other man probably would:

He sprawled his body over the mistress and held her tightly, all the while screaming at his wife to stop.

Now if the entire scenario wasn’t so f*cked up, I would totally shed a tear for the couple’s ‘forbidden love’. But in the end, adultery’s not exactly pure love, so yeah I’m not wasting a single tear for it.

But if you thought that his valiant act would serve to exact peace and harmony to the angered wife and friends, you thought wrong. Incensed, the betrayed wife and co. attempted to pull the sprawled man off the mistress, and when it proved futile the wife aimed an enraged kick at the man.

Thereafter, the woman lugs the man’s gold necklace off and uses it to whip him on the back. Needless to say, not a single spectator intervened in this street adaptation of 50 Shades of Grey.

Unappeased with the force of the gold necklace, she eventually uses a shoe to beat him as he shouts, “Call the police!”

Gradually, the attack ceased, and the man got up with his now semi-naked mistress.

According to witnesses, the couple fled before the police turned up.

Lest you’re unaware, adultery is not a punishable crime in mainland China, and as such has led to many husbands and wives having to confront their unfaithful spouses in a similar manner.

Even when arrests are made, the punishment is often minor.

But moral of the story?

Don’t cheat. It’ll never end well.