Trump Launches Official Website to “Preserve Magnificent Legacy” & Connect With Supporters

It’s still fresh in our memories how Donald Trump was basically banned from every social media platform of significance at the beginning of this year. Twitter, Instagram, Facebook… He might as well be living in China. Not sure if they’ll welcome him though.

Anyway, he is certainly hungry for more attention, as evidenced by his new website commemorating his time in the White House.

The new official website, 45office.com, is designed as a platform “for his supporters to stay in touch and to showcase his time in office”, The Straits Times reports. 

Or, as the home page of the website puts it, “The Office of Donald J. Trump is committed to preserving the magnificent legacy of the Trump Administration, while at the same time advancing the America First agenda.”

The centrepiece of this glorious effort for historical documentation is a 885-word panegyric replete with hyperbolic praise for his achievements in office.

True to its objective, the website perfectly preserves indeed the magnificence of the Trump Administration—full sarcasm intended.

The biography sings of Trump’s accomplishments with vigour and plenty of alternative facts. 

Evidently, he decided he demonstrated “robust commitment to environmental conservation” during his time in office. You know, such as appointing a climate change denier to head his Environmental Protection Agency, by endorsing the environmentally destructive practice of fracking, and by unilaterally quitting the Paris Agreement.

Literally everyone else signed up. Even North Korea.

In his hot-button issue of immigration, meanwhile, he “dismantle[d] criminal gangs and deport[ed] dangerous offenders who threaten [American] communities”. In particular, he rid America of its most menacing criminals, like four-year-old children, caregivers of disabled people, and working mothers trying to see their children through high school. 

Most notable, however, is his valiant foreign policy achievement of “confront[ing] oppressive communist and socialist regimes” around the world, by putting even the formidable North Vietnam to shame with the number of American casualties he was able to inflict in 2020.

A year in which he “saved countless lives” and “built the most robust [coronavirus] testing system in the world”. That, my friends, is clearly why the U.S. was able to administer the most number of positive COVID-19 tests out of every country on Earth.

Hooray, Trump!

Of course, out of his long list of illustrious accomplishments, some must be conveniently forgotten, as The Guardian points out.

He pioneered the number of impeachments a U.S. President can survive, for example, and demonstrated his military prowess by masterminding the first victorious rebel conquest of the US Capitol since 1812.

All of these must be passed on for future generations, as the website declares: “through civic engagement and public activism, the office of Donald J. Trump will strive to inform, educate, and inspire Americans from all walks of life as we seek to build a truly great American future.” 

From a grass mowing business buried between a crematorium and a sex shop, perhaps. He’ll be able to start a Total Landscaping of the corrupt weed in the Washington establishment.

Feature Image: Evan El-Amin / Shutterstock.com