#TuesdayTruthday: Goody Feed Human Beings Reveal Their Worst Job Interview

By
Shawn Ambrose
-

We all agree that the Internet is filled with nothing but truthfulness: that influencer whom you’ve been stalking definitely looks like a diva 24 hours a day, and travel 365 days a year.

Your friend is in a great relationship because he’s been posting lovey-dovey images on Instagram, despite the fact that you saw him on Tinder this morning.

With so many people having such a perfect image online, we thought of having a weekly section called #TuesdayTruthday, whereby we Goody Feed, the imperfect human beings on the Internet, reveal some of our stories to show you the truth online.

And for this Tuesday, we’re focusing on something that we’ve all experienced: job interviews.

Is there anything more nerve-racking than sitting across a potential employer who attacks you with piercing questions and an even more piercing stare while evaluating your suitability?

Your every move seems to be scrutinized. Oh, he didn’t look me in the eye while talking? He’s not a good communicator. Oh, she sat down without asking for permission? She’s bound to be insubordinate. Oh, he’s wearing a green tie? He must not be very hardworking.

Due to this intimidating process, many of us fail miserably at job interviews.

And we Goody Humans are no different.

Here are three job interview stories to make you feel better about your own failures.

The One Who Just Stared Without Blinking (Deputy Editor, 20) 

So I was just fresh out of Junior College and was waiting for my ‘A’ Level results. In the meantime, seeing as to how I no longer have anything to do in my life other than waste my life away, I decided that I needed to get my shit together and start working.

Then began the journey to find a job.

I applied to many places and even sought a Job Finding Agency for help. Soon enough, I was scheduled for an interview for the role of Digital Assets Management Support and when the day came, I was a nervous wreck. Even though I’ve worked before, my previous job didn’t really require much of an interview. I just showed up, and the manager told me I was hired.

This was different.

I remember sitting in front of the interviewer in their meeting room and it was really hot. I could feel the sweat run down my back and my palms were sweating. I tried not to let my anxiety show though. The interviewer started briefing me about the job and I just stared at him.

Without. Blinking.

I don’t know why I did that but I did. Must have been the nerves. What started out as a confident briefing turned into a briefing where he began to shift around in his seat and look elsewhere – anywhere but my eyes. I quickly noticed that I forgot to blink so I looked away to stop making him uncomfortable. We shook hands at the end of the interview and he told me that he would contact me soon.

He didn’t. I guess he was really freaked out by me.

The One Who Was Drunk For An Interview (Deputy Editor, 27) 

I get really anxious when I meet new people. So, when I was scheduled to go for an interview for an assistant’s role in a Psychology Clinic, I was nervous to say the least.

Then I remembered how I prepared for one of my school’s presentations; alcohol.

Now it’s not like I turned up drunk as a skunk about to pass out from inebriation. I just had a few beers to loosen up.

Then I swished some mouthwash around and popped about twenty mints in my mouth.

When I arrived at the clinic, I felt a little tipsier than I would have liked. I kept trying to push and pull on the door even though it had a door knob.

The receptionist looked at me like I was an idiot.

In her defence, I was.

So, after some time, the interviewers invited me in and began the interview.

I was seated quite close to the three interviewers, so even if they didn’t know I was drunk, they could certainly smell my outrageously minty mouth.

The first thing they asked was “Can you tell us a little about yourself?”

In my drunken state, I told them I’m an aspiring musician who wrote original songs and went on to describe in detail the songwriting process of one song.

They cut me off and said, “Oh, we mean professionally.”

From then on, things seemed to be going well. I wasn’t nervous, and I believed I answered every question as best I could.

The problem was that, towards the end, I became unbearably sleepy. This was easily combated when I was answering questions, but when they started lecturing me on the company’s aims and beliefs, my brain was like nah I’m done.

I nodded off for a second with a grunt before awaking with wide eyes.

It was just a second, but they immediately stopped speaking and stared at me with incredulous faces.

Needless to say, I didn’t get the job.

The One With The Bloody Surprise (Editor, 24)

I get the heeby-jeebies as I recall the fateful day I had my worst interview experience. My interview was at 9am and I was early. I took my time to get to the location.

It was an upscale office at Raffles Place which made me think of Fifty Shades Of Grey. But no I would not like to see Mr Grey, thank you very much. (I have a boyfriend).

I signed in at the reception and got a visitors’ pass to head upstairs. I finally met the interviewer and he brought me to a room and told me to take a seat while he did some paperwork. I wasn’t nervous, but hell, that was all set to change very soon.

When he came back, he sheepishly told me that I was sitting on his seat. Whoops. I got up, only to realise something was wrong. Very wrong. For starters, I felt damp below and that familiar feeling of dread washed over me. I knew my period was coming soon but not today.

If you’re reading this and you have a vagina, you’ll know what I mean. And if your period is as heavy as Niagara Falls, well this needs no further explanation.

But for those fortunate enough not to be afflicted by mother nature’s cherry red surprise, let me explain it to you:

I F***ing bled out on the chair. BLED. Of all days, it had to happen during an interview. Thanks a lot, vagina. But that wasn’t the worst part.

I mean, how do you tell your prospective employer that your vagina had a nose bleed on his chair? Oh that’s right, YOU DON’T. So I quickly reached out for his hand to shake it hoping that he wouldn’t look at the chair.

He didn’t. But then something worse happened. He sat on it. I thought to myself, ****. I don’t usually even say that word but today: ****. I tried my best to behave normally during the interview but all I could think about was how his pants were going to get stained too.

I rushed through the interview, wanting it to end as soon as possible. As soon as it did, he stood up to show me out and I rushed out without looking back. Funnily, I still got the job and he never mentioned it when I started work, but his chair didn’t have any stains.

So, the next time you go for a job interview, remember;

  1. Do not stare at the interviewer without blinking or saying anything
  2. Do not drink beforehand to overcome nerves
  3. Always be prepared for mother nature to f*** you over in life’s most crucial moments

Watch this for a complete summary of what REALLY happened to Qoo10, and why it's like a K-drama:

Read Also:

Advertisements
 
Shawn Ambrose
Email: [email protected]