Last Updated on 2017-10-23 , 10:06 am

Disclaimer: This article is satire, building upon the original chart. Please try not to be offended.

Here’s a PSA (Public Service Announcement) for you guys out there. Actually, only those of you who are attached, and those who are attached-until-cannot-be-more-attached (read: married). Have you noticed your significant other getting angrier at you lately? Have you ever wondered if there was a quick and easy way to deal with that?

Do you want to know the perfect way of speaking to them?

Look no further, because we have a handy list here that’s guaranteed to solve all your problems*.
_{*Except for your inevitable financial problems}

As you can see, these Dangerous things to say are obviously to be avoided. Red means bad! In the case where something in the red column turns out to be true, good luck, because you’re on your own now.

Nobody can help you decide whether to lie and kenna her bad temper, or tell the truth and still kenna her bad temper.

A moment of silence for our brothers who have fallen here.

Now that we’re all on the same page here and understand that the yellow and green zones are the safer choices, please spend some time to memorize the words, lest you forget how the English language works.

However, please at least try to be smarter here with the choices. It would defeat the entire point of this chart if you reply “Later I help you cook dinner” when she asks you if she looked fat in that dress. This is NOT SAFE.

If you noticed, the safest column happens to be the easiest (on your brain, but not on your wallet, and if you’re deficient in both, I’m so sorry). This can also work as a backup plan, in case everything goes wrong. Just yell out “Let’s go shopping!!”, then toss your wallet in her direction and cower into a corner. If you’re lucky, she’ll get distracted by the money and you can make your escape.

Unfortunately, this only works for a very short moment, before she latches onto you to go to the aforementioned ‘shopping’.

The jury’s still out on whether this is a fate more favourable to facing the music.

Below we have some satisfied customer reviews, attesting to the utility of this chart.

And guys, seriously though, sometimes when you speak to your better half, there is no need to be insulting or abrasive, and we’ll all be better off with nicer words. The key here is always communication, and if done well, there is never any need to say mean thin

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This article was first published on goodyfeed.com

 

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